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Snowed In Act 1 (with subtitles)

Please provide final feedback to the creators of this submission below:​

  • What did you like or love about this submission?

  • What did you find confusing or unclear?

  • What suggestions do you have to make it stronger?

Gabriela

Hi there,

I love the premise of your story. The drawings are lovely and how you introduce your protagonist Antalya. I'm confused what happened to her friends and how it's relating while her being trapped at the airport.

Overall, keep going!

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Fiona

Aww yes great premise for a story. I think most of us have that group of friends that is now dispersed all over the country/ world. I wonder if this story will touch on the difficulty of maintaining friendships long distance over long periods of time and how this effects the characters

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Eleonora

Hi!
I love your drawings and that every character has his own color.
The story it's very clear, I think it could be stronger if you show Antalya room when you talk about how much she care about her friend, maybe showing pictures and let us as understand who are them (like what do they like to do togheter ).
Great work, I can't wait to see the airport adventure now, :)!

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Malachi

I think this is a great first act. this made me interested to see how they handle the situation they are in.

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Colin

Hello Team: Friends From Far Away, this is Colin Cameron from Team: Bro Ham Cam. I like how this submission is tailored around many people's schedules lining up and a few adult friends going on a trip.
However, I am confused as to why not one of the friends knew that it would be snowing that day and where they were traveling to, this is not emphasized clearly here. Also, are they at their new destination when they are trapped at the airport or are they at their airport near their home city? Also, where do all these characters live and are they scattered around the country or are they all in close proximity within each other. Some of these questions and suggestions will help I believe.
-Good luck,
Colin C.

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Pietro

I love the clarity of your story, nothing is confusing and both characters and situations are clear. My suggestion to make it even stronger is to work on your characters introduction, especially your protagonist. What little details can make them special? what makes us really care from the very beginning? What can you add about the trip itself that makes it really really special?

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Emma

This sounds like a very fun story. I love that your tackling something that most people don't think about but when it happens to you, OH BOI, its wild. Nothing seems unclear to me. If I had to suggest something, I would suggest having the snow storm be foreshadowed while Antalya is trying to get ready for her trip with her friends. Like make it a background thing that is noticeable but also able to be overlooked. That way the audience can anticipate what is about to happen to Antalya and her friends.

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Elizabeth

Very fun story! I recently met up with my online DND party for the first time irl, so I totally feel the planning portion. I'm wondering how you might explore the visual storytelling a bit more! How might we see that Antalya is an overpreparer versus being told of it. They can check their calendar, we could see that they have their bags prepacked a month before, and we could see a bunch of notes everywhere about the trip to denote how important this is to them. Just a few ideas!

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Lylian

Hello!
I really liked your illustrations and the different perspective that you added to your video! It was also very well written and pretty clear from start to finish. One thing that I found a little confusing is what major 3 is and its minors. And lastly something that I can suggest is being a little more detailed with your points to help the audiences visualize it more. I really enjoyed your story and I can't wait to see where it will go!

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Meredith

Ooh, I like these character designs a lot, especially Antalya. Having them each have their own color is a great choice! Excited to see how they get food and things to outlast being stuck in the snow. Also the idea of double and triple checking the calendar definitely paints at least some of these characters as over-preparers so seeing how they handle something so unplanned that takes them way off schedule is an exciting prospect :D

If anything, I'd say adding more details to the friends and their personalities here in act 1 to pay off later or conflict with the over-preparedness would add some flavor. Maybe one friend was late and is sad about not being at the airport only to avoid the storm and so on. Also adding other instances of tight scheduling or being prepared, shorthands like overstuffed luggage or something, could drive in this theme. But it is just a reel, so I understand if that's already in the works and was just cut for time. Very very excited to see more from this team <3

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Julie

I like the premise of the story and looking forward to seeing what happens when they are stuck! The thought of forgetting to check something important as you are too focused on the fun, is so relatable.

The visuals do a good job of supporting the story. I am a little confused on the visual with the USA and the plane routes. If the friends were on their way to the airport the visual is a slight disconnect from where they are at that point in the story, as I understand no one has boarded a plane yet. I can assume that visual as well as a few after it are meant to be anticipation of what will happen when they take their flights, maybe there is a way to make that these are anticipatory moments clearer??

I found the waiting to let the storm pass while at the airport concept a bit confusing. If they were already at the airport, I don't understand how it is the friends' option to let the storm pass. Were you trying to suggest that they refused an earlier flight after being at the airport? If yes, why would they do this if they were so excited to be on the trip? I could see that the airline cancels a flight after they are at the airport and they get stuck there as the snow built up before the cancellation.

Great job and I can't wait to see what airport adventures they have!

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(flashback/before “once upon a time) (Setting up bowling pins, Why is this trip important?) Every day they would save up enough funds to go on their trip Minor Beat: They look at the calendar leading up to the big trip Minor Beat: They talk about/plan the trip (in groupchat/on phone) Once upon a time, Antalya was on their way to the airport to meet up with a group of friends that they haven’t seen in a long time. Minor Beat: They check their bank account to make sure they have enough for the ticket Minor Beat: While on the way to their destination they hope they will have a good time (trip they have planned) But on the day of their trip, they all met up at the airport, as a snow storm is approaching. Minor Beat: They decide to wait for the storm to pass instead of leaving early. Minor Beat: Because of that the snow prevents them from leaving the airport.

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Friends From Far Away
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