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Cian and the Metaverse

Please provide final feedback to the creators of this submission below:​

  • What did you like or love about this submission?

  • What did you find confusing or unclear?

  • What suggestions do you have to make it stronger?

Sara (1 like)

Hello, greetings from Spain!
I've followed Cian's story before, and I'm still fascinated by the art and style of the metaverse. They look great and very original. Great job on the Story Spine, everything is very clear and well depicted!
I just have a small suggestion. I think it would add even more strength to the character if he wanted to change the world around him. That is to say, it would be great if, in addition to disconnecting himself from the metaverse, he managed to disconnect the rest of human beings, and show them that the real world is abandoned and poorly cared for by them, and that they must change that. Cian could encourage everyone to make a change, to disconnect the machines and fix this dystopian world (I imagine that it is mistreated and full of pollution by humans themselves). He would be very inspiring.
The rest is all perfect. Keep going!

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Christian (1 like)

This is a great concept! I love the dystopian setting. The one part I find confusing is how the character develops to want to stay in the real world vs the metaverse, especially when their whole life, relationships, job/school etc. are in this metaverse. Could you find a way to make the character find a way to start to rebuild the world around him, or give some motivation for him to be outside of the metaverse?

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Álvaro

Thank you for your advice Christian! I'm currently thinking about that part, he's definitely going to live something offline which will make him stay out of the digital world & change completely ;)

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Philip (1 like)

I loved the world-building in this story, because I think the audience is going to be able to grasp it as a possible (dystopic?) future for our world. I was a little confused why Cian decided to not re-enter the metaverse as a result of his quest. If he encountered more amazing beautiful things out in the world, or if he met people who wanted to spend time in person, it might solidify a reason for the character growth.

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Álvaro

Thank you Philip! Thinking about it, don't worry! Glad you liked the general idea :D

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Jay (1 like)

Love the concept! Can already imagine the short film. I always love daily tasks being shown in animation (like in Ghibli movies for example), it motivates me to do them myself. Like the others said, for him to choose to stay offline there must be kind of an impact when he does the daily tasks. Or something outside of his house that show him that it is indeed an advantage to stay out of the metaverse.

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Álvaro (1 like)

Thank you so much Jay, i'm currently thinking about it! Get you!

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Hansen (1 like)

Great concept! Reminds me of the movie Surrogates, as well as the Matrix.

The one thing that is unclear to me is why Cian would choose to live in the real world, alone, without access to the luxuries of the metaverse? Maybe he gets a rush from encountering and overcoming an actual problem in the real world, as opposed to living in the metaverse where everything is just handed to him? Maybe he could even encounter an entire society of people who live outside of the metaverse?

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Lark (1 like)

I love the story! It feels very cyberpunk-ish which I love. I wonder what specifically makes the Metaverse easier, better & more fun than the real world? Is the metaverse similar to how we live our lives currently with internet and cars? Or is the metaverse more advanced than that? Also I wonder how Cian is able to find food/sustain himself and if he would get lonely being the only person not connected to a machine?

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Cian And the Metaverse ( 8 Steps/ Story)

Once Upon a Time, there lived a guy named Cian, he as most of the population of the planet spent his day laying in bed, connected to the metaverse. This was a very sophisticated system on which anything was easier, better & more fun than the experiences you’d find outside it.

Everyday he would just stay tuned with the help of the “manna”, a substance designed to keep him hydrous and with all needs covered…This would facilitate long periods on-line with no need to return into reality.

Until One day when Cian is immersed, the metaverse machine stops. Between gasps Cian recovered from his bed. -” What had just happened?! ” In a stew, He tried to reconnect everything with no result, ¿Would that be something happening in all the Neighborhood? He needed to know.

Because of that he seeks information just to find out nobody else had had a problem. And everyone is still connected to their respective machines.

Because of that he’ll call for technical support, which will delay for almost an entire week. At first this will make Cian go nuts, But one way or another he’ll have to re-learn how to occupy his time. Taking some deep look at his house items (memories of another time)… and also he will have to buy food.

And because of that he’ll have to go outside his comfort zone. leaving the house. The world outside is very different from the metaverse, it’s dangerous. He’d even have to wear a mask along the oxygen machine. It's all so very frustrating the first days…having to do all the real work by himself…

Until finally, the Technical support arrives fixing just in time the metaverse machine… After having his last meal, Cian’s almost ready to enter the metaverse once again. He stops and stares at the turn off machine. Hesitates for a couple of seconds…Then looks around…and decides to stay offline, Reading.

Ever since then, Cian hasn't had the need of using the metaverse machine, Instead he has been doing the simple daily tasks he somehow accomplished to enjoy. Being capable of going out, making lunch, tidying up things & interacting … have been refreshing.

The moral of the Story is to Go outside your Comfort zone, And to look Outside your Window. There might be better things coming if you dare to embrace what the world has to offer you locally, Even if you face hard adversities.

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The Brave
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