Not you? Click here

arrow&v

Explanation (Optional)

Previous Video
Next Video

Leo`s Story Spine

Please provide final feedback to the creators of this submission below:​

  • What did you like or love about this submission?

  • What did you find confusing or unclear?

  • What suggestions do you have to make it stronger?

Ani

I like the drawings. I thought that this giant play more in the story. I think that to make more stronger the story. Maybe the main character could more selfish and hesitated when he let his treasures.

Reply
Like

Varian

Great imagery! I love the panels and shots you used. Your voice is brilliant too!
I agree with most of the people here. I loved the symbolism and moral of the story. Greed can lead us to very lonely outcomes and makes us delusional at times.
I would maybe suggest to make Leo's needs and wants stronger and clearer to the audience, so we can understand his overall actions a bit better. As for why the heart might be such a bad thing from his view or to to make his insecurities more visible, so we can see why he agrees to the challenge.

But all an all! Imma go right ahead what you did last week! Can't wait to know more about Leo!

Reply
Like

Eleonora

I love it, your voice it's the best!
I love the moral, the only thing I was confused of it's if then the heart was still like the begin or if people stop to ask him favour and start to live them passion instead.
I can wait to see more, :)!

Reply
Like

Marijke

Great job. I love the symbolism of the big heart and Leo's backpack getting so big.
It's unclear to me why he is so against the heart in the beginning. His wants are not clear to me: is the worshipping of the heart preventing him to see the world or own things?
Love the ending and the great drawings.

Reply
Like

Duane

Good job. I love the symbolism of the heart of the townspeople. I just read an article the other day that said that scientists have found no proof that the soul and spirit are generated by the brain. I agree with your theory that it comes from the heart. It does raise the eternal question of…how do you mend a broken heart?

Reply
Like

Lina

Hello, I love your drawing styles and how you apply color and shadows.

In regards of the Story Spine, I think it is a little unclear to me the character development or the thrive of the main character in order to go back to his hometown. Perhaps you might try changing the reason why he went back, or was it always greed or ambition what made him go back?

Overall, nice job!

Reply
Like

Patrick

I really love the unique small town you have created and something that intrigues me to hear more about, is the exotic journey's Leo goes on. I'd be curious to know why Leo doesn't trust the heart and why they leave more specifically. Also something I would like made clearer is why Leo accepts the challenge of this stranger/other traveler. This story feels like it has some universal themes like family, but I didn't quite understand what family means to Leo until the end and I wonder if mentioning Leo's family towards the beginning would help this payoff even more at the end. Lastly, I want to mention that the treasure aspect reminds me of the story The Alchemist which is a great adventure story with universal themes. I really dig this one and look forward to what you do to develop it more.

Reply
Like

Jonah

I like the art and the idea of this story. I'm a bit confused on why he has to escape his home town, are people not allowed to leave the heart? also why does he need to wear a disguise to come into his town? The only other thing I wish was that the tension came to late and was fixed to early. Maybe he breaks the heart sooner and then has to collect treasure to fix it. Overall love the direction

Reply
Like

MJ

Hi-- I wish I could comment on your story but I am deaf and I cannot understand your story's script in spoken form... I thought you'd caption your story after you started with "Once upon a time" text in your first slide. heh. Sorry!

Reply
Like

Tomas

Hi, here we send you the script we made for this video
- Once upon a time: There was a small town that asked for everything to a giant heart that lived inside a mountain. Leo, a curious boy who wanted to know more about the world didn’t trust the heart and escaped town. Leo decided to travel the world, live as many adventures as he could and get as many treasures as he finds.
- Every day. Leo traveled to the most exotic places on earth, and collected the most wonderful treasures anyone could imagine.
- Until one day. Another traveler challenged Leo to get a rare piece that was lacking from his collection, a piece of stone so rare that there was only one place on earth where he could find it, inside the mountain of his hometown.
- Because of that. Leo went in disguise to his hometown and he went directly to the mountain, he looked for an entrance, but after some time he realized that the mountain was changing, and the entrance changed too.
- Because of that. He climbed to the top of the mountain so he could see the entrance clearly, but once at the top he felt inside the mountain, on top of the heart and broke it in a million pieces.
- Because of that. He could see in the broken pieces what each person of the town has left in return for the favors of the heart, he saw how his parents had left their curiosity for the world on exchange for the safety or their kid.
- Until finally. Leo put back together all the pieces of the heart and gave all his treasures in exchange so the heart can make him a favor, return to their parents their true ambitions and curiosities
- And ever since then. Leo shares with his parents their adventures and curiosities, traveling with them and listening to their stories.
- The moral of the story is. Don’t judge other people's choices when you can share yours with them.

Reply
Like

MJ

Thank you for doing that! Maybe next time you can put the captions/transcript in the video description so I can see your progress too!

I like your drawings, the way you play with the lighting (glow from the heart) etc. Just wanted to tell you that was what intrigued me.

As for the story, it feels sort of like exchanging the soul to the devil type of deal when someone has to give away something to the heart, doesn't that seem a bit weird? Or a piece of one's soul in any way. Would it make more sense that each person had to leave behind an object? And maybe Leo, after collecting all of the treasures of the world, has to give it all away to repair the heart? hm just a thought. :)

Reply
Like

David (1 like)

What a cool setting! I like the concept of the giant heart, really creative! What happens to the guy who challenges him though? Maybe he could appear as sort of a main antagonist towards the end?

Reply
Like

Feedback will appear below after our team moderates them.

arrow&v

2) What you think about this submission:​

arrow&v
Upload an Audio Comment
Upload an Image
Upload a Video Comment

Add New Comment

Change Video

An error occurred. Try again later

Edit Video

Your changes have been saved.  If you uploaded a new video, it make take some time to render and be moderated.  Please check back shortly and be sure to refresh your page.

This is the story of how Leo found meaning in his life

Team:
The Real Madrigals
Change Thumbnail

The thumbnail is optional and appears on your video preview on the gallery page.

Submission for Week

4

Team Submission History
Do you need closed captions? Please follow these instructions.
arrow&v
Submit

Please tell us how compelling you felt this story was. Take into consideration the use of visual storytelling, character development and story structure. This information will not be shared with anyone.

Our goal for Story Xperiential is to foster an educational platform that actively remains a safe space for all users to bring their authentic voices and engage in learning free of judgment and ridicule, and where all cultural and gender backgrounds, learning differences and ability levels are welcomed and celebrated for their uniqueness and potential to inspire all of us. We do not condone story content that promotes violence or hate.

Privacy Policy

Questions? Contact us at 
help@storyxperiential.com