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8

Week

Jane against the world

Good job guys on getting a story out there in the world! A few notes to consider: why do they not love each other any more? why does the guy decide to try to win her back? Why does she return? The music was a bit too loud at some points and it made it a bit difficult to catch what you were saying, but that is easily fixed. Why do the boy and girl fall in love in the first place? Just things like that. The story structure is there, right now is just the little details as to why. Keep it up guys!

8

Week

Final Storyreel Juan Jose Singh

This is a very easy to follow story with a simple moral of dont let anyone drag you down to their level, I think. There is one thing missing and that is discerning character traits, is Juan particularly shy and timid, did he have friends as a kid, what makes his friends different from him and each other? Are his friends lazy and out going, or do they only come to him for help when they need it and only then. Does Juan get mad on the inside but not say anything? How do his friends treat each other? Why does he stay? What do they like or dislike? I like the concept and the art style but it does lack what makes it personal to the audience. Either way, good job, you guys have a pretty solid story structure, you guys just have to fill in the little details.

8

Week

Pepi ii

I like the concept and the art work which does have a number of different shot choices and makes the full use of camera movement but i think it might do you some good to learn some of the proper terminology for some of the things in the story, which should only take a little bit of research because it distracted me a bit. In fact, just avoid using the word thingy unless it is in the actual dialogue. Also if something was shown on screen you do not necessarily need to repeat it again, just to save time because the audience already knows. The characterisation is not quite there, because I can tell the mummies are angry, but not much else about them, the magic they possess, or the people trying to stop or are affected by them. While yes there was an end goal that they did achieve, it feels as though there was a lack of a point to the story, it doesnt quite make you wonder about really If they are right or wrong, or any different perspective on it. It kind of just happens. I think to get the most out of this story, it has to be much much longer, so you have the time to really get into the characters themselves rather than the reactions and being able to focus on each individuals motivations and challenges. This story truly has potential and your narration does bring a lot of life to it, I think you just need more time to really dive deep into a story like this, which would be best suited for something more like a feature film.

8

Week

Great Protector

I really like how it is animated a bit, it just gives it a little bit of life, however, I cannot discern a whole lot about your story or the characters from this other than the main character cares a lot about the birds in the picture frame? But you have done a good job of setting the mood and I can tell that you do draw well.

8

Week

Trail of tears

it seems that you guys put alot of effort into this, good job on finishing your boards, how ever, I do have similar critiques to Ben and Joaquin where the story is very difficult to follow because it does jump around quite a bit in time and there isnt much of a continuous story without a lesson or key idea to follow. the sound effects also tended to be too loud at some points and there wasnt much to take from the story. Even with all this, you all should pat yourselves on the back for seeing this through to the end!

4

Week

Gold rush

I think it might be worthwhile to consider starting the story when he’s already lost everything and is trying to return. Then , focus on three specific obstacles rather than “physical hardship “ because really that could mean anything. Does he get hurt, his supplies get stolen, or really the memories of the past coming to haunt him, in which I think you could sprinkle in his back story where he once came to California a proud man and would lose it all. I think it’s also worthwhile to consider a major character flaw that lead him to this path he is on, my suggestion would be greed, or impulsivity. Doing a lot of research on individuals and their reasons for coming to California during the gold rush, and considering the huge Advertising the government was doing for California would also be useful. That and the aftermath of the people now stuck thousands of miles from home. My first suggestion of where to look is maybe library of congress online, and there are some online archives of letters from people in the past if you look hard enough.

4

Week

Once upon a time...

I really like the simple drawings that get the idea across pretty easily. Good job on really getting the essence of what you are trying to show in a single illustration. My only question is how does he realize that the fish is just a fish, and just like him was trying to survive by getting food, it’s an interesting role reversal, but how that happens would also be cool to see where like in the animal kingdom things eat each other all the time, and while some animals do mourn or whatever, but they don’t really go out to hurt other creatures they just try to survive as long as they can.

4

Week

Storyline

While I am a fan of the classic don’t continue the cycle of violence story, it also just feels wrong to just have the native Americans be attacked and simply have to take it because they don’t want to contribute to unnecessary violence, the only issue is that they were provoked first, simply by the fact that the cowboys felt threatened. These people had everything taken from them, this sort of one sided violence should at least be defended against( in my opinion).I think it might be better to have a long term conflict way before the story begins where both sides aren’t innocent just to really push the breaking of the cycle,(it doesn’t matter who started it) where they both have misconceptions about the other group that get resolved within the story through communication and really just exposure to the other group to see them as human (like the guy with his kids). There’s nothing that really pushes that realization on the main character other than seeing his daughter but it might be more impactful to see a cow girl/boy/child? It might also be a story where you don’t need to necessarily forget what was done but forgive and move on, but you don’t necessarily have to be buddies afterwards either as well.

4

Week

Olive's Story (Title TBD)

I love the concept of the trees! It’s so funky I love the concept that mistakes are ok, even if they have consequences for doing so. I find it to be pretty fleshed out already, but I’m wondering why she makes so many mistakes? And what constitutes as a mistake, like breaking your lead in a pencil would be enough to cause a tree? I think also the society at she lives in that really pushes for perfection could be like the world of the Lorax in the illumination movie where they don’t have plants and if you question it you are silenced, with a bit of the Giver vibes mixed in would be cool as well, where they try to hide from all the bad things of the world by making everyone follow a role and if they break the rules they get kicked out. Excellent concept I can’t wait to see where it goes.

4

Week

The Great Protector Trials

I really like this storyline, it’s the classic underdog rises to the top, and it’s very straight forward. The half chicken aspect reminds me of Xiao Fei from scissor seven he is half chicken half pigeon —actually his dads backstory is sort of related (bird tournaments) so that’s cool, but I wonder if being half chicken gives him any natural (dis)advantage over the other thunderbirds or if they just poop on him for being a half breed. I think it would be cool if it did give him an edge on the other birds some how, and looking at his individual opponents with their unique strengths and weaknesses to really flesh them out instead of being just the bad guys he has to beat.

4

Week

Terra's story spine

I like the basic storyline of this, but I think it might be worthwhile to really goes into why Terra’s aunt doesn’t like her talking and has the power to curse her. Are they witches, is Terra’s aunt just mean, or is there a deeper reason for her resentment or annoyance. To me, it’s very extreme to have natural disasters occur every time someone speaks so maybe exploring other options as to why Terra’s aunt would do so, or different curses. I’m also, strangely qualified to speak about,, not being able to speak when you could before, ( it’s a long story)but I think it might also be cool to find a way for her to communicate to her friends, like writing or typing, the notes app was very useful for me. Otherwise, the moral to me seems to be quite extreme also with don’t talk too much or you will annoy everyone, because it just seems discouraging. This has the potential to be more than talking too much, like simply being considerate to others, which is where I think you’re trying to get at?

1

Week

What if?

I like these ideas, the first one could be about really learning and not being afraid of new things and experiences, while also having the capacity to be really funny and comical. The mushroom is also interesting to think about. What are the dangers of going out of his comfort zone? How did the friends get captured by the witch? Why does he feel a need to save them? The fish boy one is adorable as well, but I wonder what the object is and why it is important to him, why he is afraid of the ocean, and any natural dangers to him at the bottom and top of the ocean?

1

Week

What if... ?

I like the first idea because depending on why and how humans went extinct would definitely affect the remaining life on earth and how the world progresses from there. This can go so many different ways and it would be interesting if the main character’s experiences can mirror or parallel that of humans. The different lives every day idea is interesting to think about but leaves a lot of holes to cover like what happens to the people while you take over their life for a day, how does that affect you and your consciousness, would you even be your own person at that point? The last one also has a bit of a definite answer, but who you choose to focus on for the inevitable downfall of all life on earth can make this very interesting and go in a bunch of different ways.

1

Week

wacky what ifs!

I like the first two ideas, but I have a few questions. Why does the man fight the fish? For money? Fame? Items? And what group of people would survive, even if just for a little bit if the tides rose? What kinds of people would be able to adapt and overcome their situation? There are some tribes that live on rafts in the ocean that I think would be cool for you to check out called the Bajau tribe that are off the coast of south east Asia. What animals would be friends with each other? Which animals may fight and would there be a hierarchy based on the food chain? Are the main characters an unlikely duo or peas in a pod?

1

Week

what if?

I like the first one because it really would show that unity is one of the best ways to solve problems in the world, and it would be interesting to show the different kinds of dynamics between different people of different backgrounds and how complicated friendships can be especially when you are a common friend between enemies. I’m wondering why the shadow would want to escape, and how it views the thing it is the shadow of? The last one does confuse me a bit because how would the five warriors connect with each other? Why should this all be in the same story rather than all on their own?

1

Week

What if?

I love the money coming alive idea, that’s not something you see everyday, is there like a hierarchy where like the notes worth more are more powerful and if the more money there is in a money guy the more powerful it is? I’m also wondering about what the parents are blogging about, if the kid is different in some way that makes him in particular “vloggable “ because a common theme with these parents is that the child was in the foster system or disabled or simply that these parents have no sense of privacy and internet safety. What are the parents motivations for doing so?

1

Week

What If Questions by Alina, Andrew, and Gillian

I really liked the sea horse idea, how something like that would transfer over into the underwater territory of the ocean and it’s unique habitats. How ever, I’m very right brained when it comes to things like this, but wouldn’t it make a little more sense for the search for new planets to be done on earth, rather than sending men all the way across the galaxy with no promise of a future? At least with today’s technology. So what setting would facilitate the best environment for that to seem plausible? Would they be more advanced in their technology? Is there a reason for them to speed things up and take that risk? Also I had to look up what achromatic colors meant haha, but what about that would change the world? Is the main character different from the rest, if there is any?

Week

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This does! Thank you for responding:D

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Medibang paint is a pretty good program with lots of resources for manga if you like that kind of stuff, yet it does have ads in app.

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