Not you? Click here

arrow&v

Explanation (Optional)

8

Week

Alien Reality Show

Great suggestion! In future iterations, we'll definitely work on building out the scene when Doug leaves the show to showcase his relationship with Marlowe, as well as their different world views.

8

Week

Toro

beautiful art! It would be nice to see a few more nuggets of bonding between the bigger scenes (i.e., when Hermit saves Toro from the water, or when Toro using his body to block). Just a few short conversations, or dangerous situations where they are forced to work together similar to the Emperor's New Groove.

8

Week

Sheldon Takes Flight!

Love the animation style. Kind of reminds of paper mario. I also love how Sheldon's personality comes to life through the art and music.

I would add a little something earlier in the story that suggests electric eels could be a power source. I think the internal logic of the story could support the idea of electric eels, but it feels a little random right now.

I'm also not sure how I feel about the grandfather dying at the end from excitement. That almost implies that Sheldon kills him. Instead, I think the grandfather should die from natural causes. This way, we can interpret Sheldon taking his Grandfather flying as fulfilling his last dying wish.

8

Week

Cian and the Metaverse * Final Submission *

Love your drawings. They do a really good job of helping me visualize your story. Some of the best visual storyboarding I've seen, seriously!

My only suggestion would for Cian to meet his sister earlier in the story (around the midpoint), so that there is more time to explore questions about why she isn't in the metaverse, what happened to the world, and why staying in the metaverse is bad philosophically.

8

Week

Time Changes

Love the animations, very compelling. Would love to see more.

8

Week

Lottie

This is a very creative idea. One suggestion would be to get through the world building a little faster if possible. Lottie is the main character, but most of what we know about her is her family and past, and how her peers react to how she looks, but I want to hear more about her specific personality.

8

Week

Final story reel

The story of a telepathic dinosaur is interesting, but I think his ability could play a larger role in the story's climax.

As it stands now, it seems as though the dinosaurs are accepted by humanity due to chance, and not due to the actions of the main character, which would make the story more compelling, in my opinion.

5

Week

A misunderstood street dog

Love the drawings, very cute, and I love stories about dogs.

One thing that is unclear to me is why other dogs will never accept her? Is it because she is a streetdog? Are they afraid of her? And how is this day different than any other day for her; in other words, how does she suddenly come to realize she will never be accepted and begin her journey?

Also, it's a little unclear to me why she goes to the beach. Maybe she lives there? Or she always goes to the ocean when she is sad because she loves the water? I think we need something that sets up this idea.

5

Week

Axel the Kangaroo Act 1

Boxing kangaroos are classic. Reminds me of watching Looney Tunes as a kid!

I would love to see more specific beats showing us how Axel's size leads him to get bullied/fight back, preferably something that is disrupted after he breaks his leg.

I'd also like to know more about the "until one day". Is Tony bullying Axel a regular occurrence, or is Tony new in town? How do the other kangaroos react to Tony bullying Axel? Is this like a wild west, high-noon showdown situation?

5

Week

Sheldon Takes Flight - Act 1

Love the idea of a penguin learning to fly. Would love to see some additional beats around his "Every day" so that we could learn more about his personality. Maybe his designs are silly and whimsical, or highly complicated. Maybe the way the other penguins perceive him/his quest to fly also give us additional insight into who he is.

5

Week

Week 5, by Jiwoo :)

Love the idea of a story about telling stories. What I found a bit unclear was how the City of Lost & Found fits into the story. What is it? And how will it help her tell stories more effectively? Maybe some of the stories her parents tell could mention this city so that there is more setup for her to embark on her journey?

5

Week

Week 5 - ACT 1

Your animations are amazing! What software/hardware are you using?

What I'm interested in learning more about is W's "Every day" looked like while it was alone in the ancestral Anderson house, and why it is alone? Or, does patriarch/matriarch of the Anderson family still live there?

Also, does Sam remember W? Or does he believe that W was simply imaginary?

5

Week

Upside Down To Right Side Up - Act 1

Love the concept of someone who lives upside down. I imagine, Iris would have a unique outlook on the world, both figuratively and literally.

One thing that is still unclear to me is how she learns of the magical stone on Saturn, and how she plans on getting to Saturn herself. Maybe this could be set up in the "Once Upon a Time" or "Every day" sections. Perhaps, the stone is locked in a museum, and her ability to walk upside down is actually helpful in getting past security?

4

Week

Cian and the Metaverse

Great concept! Reminds me of the movie Surrogates, as well as the Matrix.

The one thing that is unclear to me is why Cian would choose to live in the real world, alone, without access to the luxuries of the metaverse? Maybe he gets a rush from encountering and overcoming an actual problem in the real world, as opposed to living in the metaverse where everything is just handed to him? Maybe he could even encounter an entire society of people who live outside of the metaverse?

4

Week

Majestic

Love the new characters that have been added to this idea since I last saw it during the week of "what ifs". What is a little unclear to me is how Charlie the crow fits into the story. Why is he at the majestic, and why does he care about the majestic? Maybe, after Mr. Picketts leaves without opening the box office, a family of crows moves into the now empty theater and forms a symbiotic relationship with the Majestic?

4

Week

Story Spine Mona

Love how fleshed out this idea is already. One thing that is a little unclear to me is how the Actor new to find Mona in her secret spot, and why he would care to reach out to her specifically? Maybe she can say something after her neck is revealed to the crowd that strikes a chord with him / inspires him to seek pursue his true dream (which I'd be interested to learn about as well).

4

Week

Mush's Story Spine

Love your character design and I love how concise your story spine is. One thing that is unclear to me is how ripping the flowers made him realize he did have connections at home. Maybe he he could bring the flowers home to fix them, which drives him to enlist the help of others, making him realize that he has connections/making connections isn't as scary as he initially thought?

4

Week

Good Spirits

Love the themes of freedom, and the metaphor of the birds. Reminds of bio shock.

What I want to learn more about is Sam and the other humans. Why do they need to be controlled? What are their desires? Why is it that, once given any freedom (for example, when Bailey is distracted), that Sam immediately begins getting into trouble? Or is it only 'trouble' by the standards of the spirits, who value order above all else?

I also wonder why the spirits would have an easier time sympathizing with caged birds than with the human beings themselves. Bailey obviously loves birds. Is this something that all spirits share?

4

Week

Alex's Story Spine

Love concept of a company that makes dreams. Plot-wise, I understand that Alex being a person of color is important, since it puts her immediately at odds with the antagonists of the story. However, I'd like to hear more about her motivations as a person so that I can better understand why she would feel compelled to continue working while being harassed, instead of quitting in the beginning of story (as she does at the end of the story). Perhaps she had a dream as a child that was very inspirational and that led her to seek out the dream company herself?

3

Week

Gravity

Love the image and how the concept combine together. The only thing I would suggest, since this is a story about how Declan and his brother are imagining flying through space, is to put the emphasis on the sky instead of the ground. You could do this by simply removing the color of the ground, which would draw attention to the blue hue of the sky, and/or making the sky take up the majority of the image to give a sense of wonder/imagination.

3

Week

Facing reality

Love this image. The angles really emphasize the obvious conflict between these two characters. I do wonder what situation he is in that requires him to survive. Maybe altering their clothing or adding targeted background elements could provide further context.

3

Week

BILLIE

Love how the smallness of the door and the shadows give the image a warped effect, highlighting how fearful Billie is of the ghost. The calendar, which shows Oct. 31st is also a nice touch to give further context to why a ghost might be here. I do wonder why a ghost would come to this specific child, and what help a child could provide a ghost?

3

Week

The truth about Mixiote

Love how the framing of this image, specifically the different levels and the lighting, makes it clear that the cat on the counter is the leader of their group, Mixiote. One thing that is slightly unclear to me is why the girl would be happy to see her cat talking about crime in her kitchen. Perhaps she finds it cute, or maybe she would find it shocking? I wonder if she can understand what Mixiote is saying, and whether that would change things!

3

Week

Where Skelly lives

Love how the cramped-ness of the space makes it clear that the dead in skelly's are treated as objects and not as sentient beings. One thing unclear to me is how big Skelly is. I would assume Skelly would be the size of a normal human, since he is a skeleton. However, it looks like he is in a half locker, making him only a few feet tall. Maybe his intended size would be clearer with another prop that could provide better context for his size.

3

Week

Trouble Maker

Love the different angles that were used in these images. One thing that is slightly unclear to me is whether or not both shots are of the same character, given the similar haircuts. Obviously, the bottom has dark pants and a v-neck, but wasn't sure if the bottom shot was just slightly more detailed. One suggestion, if they are in fact different characters, would be too give them each a defining accessory or physical trait. That would both highlight them as individuals, as well as provide with an opportunity to emphasize a personality trait.

arrow&v
Filter comments by week

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

Hansen's Comments

Please wait while we load your amazing content

Our goal for Story Xperiential is to foster an educational platform that actively remains a safe space for all users to bring their authentic voices and engage in learning free of judgment and ridicule, and where all cultural and gender backgrounds, learning differences and ability levels are welcomed and celebrated for their uniqueness and potential to inspire all of us. We do not condone story content that promotes violence or hate.

Privacy Policy

Questions? Contact us at 
help@storyxperiential.com