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8

Week

SMOKE ME

Thank you, Cheyenne! We're glad you liked it!

8

Week

Final

I love that the VO is told in the first person. I love how I can immediately empathize with Lila. The first day on the bus is a great example of showing conflict instead of just telling the audience about it and seeing her crying when her dad doesn't go with her is a great choice to establish the conflict of facing the world. I also love that there are clear antagonists at school, so her fears do turn into reality. I love the turning point of the girl having an accident, that was unexpected. Nothing was confusing to me. My suggestion to make the story better is to integrate the turning point of the bully breaking her leg into a situation where your protagonist has to grow. It works as it is, but your main protagonist feels a little passive and things almost resolve by themselves. What if your main character is tempted to let others make fun of the girl, but later decide to forgive her and talk to her?

8

Week

Ugo - (Work in Progress)

Hey Luis, your story reel is going so well. I immediately empathize with your main character as delivery people are often unappreciated. I also love the striking inciting incident and how the story tells itself visually. Your art and the character design are also really cool. My suggestion to make it even stronger is to add a voice-over using the story spine template we learned about. Please don't leave this story unfinished, it has great potential!

8

Week

Abominable Abandoned

Hey! I love your first act, the simple cute design, and the choice of going 100% visual. I found the plot a little confusing, your description helped, but I suggest you include the story spine script with your voice so that we can fully understand what's going on. I would love to see more in case they allow you to update your story with submission. If you do, please reply to this comment so that I can get a notification and watch it.

8

Week

Abducted

Congratulations on your story. What I love about it is the immediate empathy toward your protagonist and the emotional theme. Everything was clear to me and it felt like a deeply emotional drama with some investigative elements. In case you do want to think about this as an animation project, my suggestion to make it stronger is to create a metaphor and ad a specific adventure. What if the characters are animals, robots, or aliens? What could be a metaphor for a dysfunctional family where the mom has her husband abducted? (completely disregard my comment in case you do want to work on a live action drama/thriller)

8

Week

SMOKE ME

Branda, thanks a lot for taking the time to comment. We really appreciate it and I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

8

Week

SMOKE ME

Álvaro, thank you so much for your kind words. I'm really glad you liked the story. It's really encouraging to get a comment like yours. Thanks again, and have a wonderful day!

8

Week

SMOKE ME

Thank you, Joshua! It's definitely hard to pick one favorite, there are many great stories on the dashboard :)

8

Week

SMOKE ME

Thanks a lot, Shayleen!

8

Week

SMOKE ME

Thanks. I'll let her know about your comment! :)

8

Week

Orion the Brave

From how the title appears, to the use of music, I really love seeing how much this story has evolved. It also implies a unique use of the animation medium that's really cool and which I've never seen before. I love how the sky opens and we meet the antagonists. Going with no narration is really great, however, a few story beats were a little unclear. Luckily, I had watched your previous submissions. I encourage you to keep working on this story and turn it into a beautiful animated short film!

8

Week

Partners in Crime

Hey, I love how action-packed this is compared to most submissions, I also love the clever ways the protagonist commits crimes. It would be great to see this with a narration to understand a little more about the character's internal journey, especially with the love storyline

8

Week

Final story reel

This is a really great concept! I was a little confused about the dinosaurs living in peace with no killings. Many of them in real life were carnivorous predators, especially with the twist of them becoming herbivorous. I believe you can totally pull that off and it would be super interesting, you could maybe include a sentence on what that looks like. Your protagonist is really cool, I love how he becomes the leader. The spaceship twist is really really cool!! I love how they become herbivorous, that could lead to very funny scenes as they find out. One suggestion to make it better is to streamline the first act and make it about one specific thing, I'm not sure you need telepathy, both a spaceship and wormhole (you could have some weird natural event that sucks them into the present), dinosaurs could learn how to talk, I would also try to turn every scene that's based on dialogue into an action-driven moment, instead of debates there could be chases and people capturing. Finally, I would focus a little more on your protagonist's internal journey. I love your ending, it almost leads to a sequel! I see you use some art from Dinotopia which was one of my favorite books when I was a kid. Really great. I hope you continue developing this story, it has amazing potential. TCongratulations!

8

Week

Adam

I like Adma's clear emotional situation and a clear "narrative ghost" with the death of his father. I also love the theme of the story, it's really relatable. There was nothing confusing or unclear. To make this story stronger I would focus on building on the What-if question. The setup of the story is great and clear, but what's the adventure? What's the character's external journey that makes us want to see this film? You have two amazing worlds: cooking and comic books, how could you combine them into something unique. I'm not suggesting you necessarily turn thins into a super-hero movie, but I feel we don't have a clear external conflict and stake. If this note resonates with you, I'm sure you'll find something amazing, all the elements are there. I also want to congratulate you, because this story feels really personal somehow, and in my opinion, that's the most important element toward something great.

8

Week

E L I X I R

Hey Francisco! Congratulations on the final version. It's been great to see your story evolving and I love how you were able to tell the entire story with visuals, that's outstanding! The pace of the editing also helps the telling of the story in just 6 minutes. The art is really great and I love the staging, camera angles, visual transitions, and character design. ¡Muchas Felicidades!

8

Week

Worked Like A Dog

Emma, this is really great!! It's so cool that you went for an entire animatic! I love your dialogue, the use of music, and the great visual transitions. I love seeing Collie struggling and trying again and again. I also love the relationship she has with her friend. (There was a moment with no sound, in case that was not intentional and just an export mistake, maybe you can reach out to the team and reupload. Even without sound in that part, it was pretty clear) - I absolutely love your solution with the phone dying and her not being able to show the ticket. Now it's very clear why she couldn't get in late. I've seen this story growing week by week and I want to congratulate you on this final version!

8

Week

SMOKE ME

Thank you, Melissa. I really appreciate your feedback. The idea to bring that point across is to further develop the moment of sacrifice, Maria's frustration, and her reaction to the cigarette "accidentally falling" into the tea from her POV. Also, we plan to include the moment in which she frames the last cigarette with a lot of care, showing that it's an important moment for her.

8

Week

SMOKE ME

Aww! Thank you, Cassilda. Yes, Maria finished her song and quit smoking.

8

Week

SMOKE ME

Thanks a lot for the encouraging comment! We're glad you like it!

8

Week

SMOKE ME

Thank you, Taylor. This has been a wonderful experience for us as well, one that we're already thinking about repeating with other stories. Please feel free to reach out to stay in touch after the course.

8

Week

SMOKE ME

Thank you, getting the theme of real love across was one of our priorities. Thanks for taking a moment to leave a comment!

8

Week

SMOKE ME

Thank you, Emma! I'm glad you liked it. Belen from our team did all the art, she's really great! Thanks for the note on the narration, we went back and forth with two versions but ultimately decided to include it for clarity. The final version of this story will definitely be without narration nor dialogue.

8

Week

SMOKE ME

Thank you, James. Great feedback on the narration, the final version of this story would definitely be with no narration and without dialogue.

8

Week

SMOKE ME

Thank you, Eric! Your message helped me realize that the theme of the sacrifice of the person you love also applies to oneself when trying to quit a bad habit. You have to sacrifice your own pleasure in order to obtain the greater good of being healthy. :)

8

Week

SMOKE ME

Thanks a lot Francisco :)

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