7
Week
Mr. Charcoal in Recovery-Land
Hi Team Raining Frogs!
I think you have a good story with a strong moral of the story. I enjoyed your illustrations and animations.
One thing that was unclear to me was the tornado, did it destroy everything and he is left in the ruins, or did it take him someplace else? Also, was the tornado just a regular tornado or was it a magical tornado that perhaps the stars sent to get him out of his destructive job?
I also thought that it was good that you showed that he had permanent damage from not taking care of himself, that way he remembers to be careful and not push himself too much. Great work!
6
Week
The Antique Store - Acts 1 & 2
Hi Sam
I love your story so far! Your illustrations and shot choices are very clear and engaging.
I also think the way you chose to show her eyes shimmer in the mirror is an excellent way to subtly show that something has changed.
I was a little confused as to why Emily told the customer they should be more organized, was it because she arrives too early? Or is it because she described how hectic her day is?
Also, when Emily says she is "Healthy as can be" she is transparent, I don't know if this was your intention, but it made me question if indeed she was a ghost too.
There was one spot that was a little unclear that I might suggest a slight timing change. Right now the customer closes the case, Emily notices the ghosts are gone, and looks around for them, then the customer says goodbye, then exits the shop. This leaves time for Emily to catch her but she just stands there until too late. If you have the customer say goodbye, and then shut the case, then while Emily is looking around for the ghosts the customer exits the shop, then it makes more clear that Emily is too late to catch her.
It should be fine if you don't want to change it too.
This is a great story and I can't wait to see what happens next!
Hopefully this is helpful and not at all like the advice that Emily gives lol!
4
Week
Kahlani's Story Progress
Thank you Abbie for your feedback!
I have a couple of ideas on how she came to be with her human family, but none of them feel correct yet. (Maybe she was lost when her family had to cross land to find a different sea and she was found by her adopted parents? Maybe they were walking by the shore and found her?)
I like your idea on having the audience clued into Peter's real intentions. I had originally hoped to have it a surprise, but I agree with you that it is too sudden of a change and I think it will build more tension if the audience knows who he really is. (Now I'm thinking of ways to subtly hint at it...)
When I started this story, it was Kahlani's adopted family that goes with her to the sea. (There was even a version where they were actually bird people. That way it would be really obvious she didn't belong, especially since all the furniture would be built for light delicate birds who perched more than sat.) I wanted to show how a family can be so supportive and loving no matter the differences. But then I started running into story troubles, like what would the inciting incident be? How would the family know how to get to the ocean? Would they end up leaving her and going back home? Or leave the old life build a new home there? Or would Kahlani decide to go back home with them? There were so many characters and questions that weren't adding up. (And then I saw Mitchels vs the Machines and was disappointed how similar it was to mine.) Then Peter came along, he was a surprise. He appeared in one of my sketches, and then seemed like a more efficient way to progress the story. But now I'm wondering if I have sacrificed the heart of the story for an easier route? I really wanted her to go back home to her adopted family and fought to keep it that way for a while.
If I could figure out why she needs to go, then I can figure out why she goes back. I guess I could be struggling with this because I am at the same point myself and I don't have an answer yet.
Thank you again for your feedback! It has given me a lot of ideas on how to improve my story and has helped me identify problems I did not see before. Who knows? Maybe I will be able to get the original story I wanted in the first place!
3
Week
Self Help on the Subway
Hello Team Stina!
I like how you've chosen to place them in the subway and how you've drawn one tiny little leaf on the plant. It really conveys the idea of them being fragile in a cold and busy world. I get the sense that they are the plant, they are also holding their last hope as well. Your image makes me worried now that somehow the pot is going to get broken, or lost, or that the plant is going to get worse! But it also makes me hope that someone or something will cause a sunbeam to shine down onto them, and that they can begin to grow stronger!
I think that since you have been able to draw me into the story and make me care about the characters with one single image, that you have hit the nail on the head. Great job!
3
Week
ECHO
Hello Team NIAD!
This is a great story image! I really like the composition, the dark shape against the bright wall draws me in and then I can find the other figures and understand what is going on. I am curious to know if Echo (cool character by the way!) is able to physically interact with Hugo and the Bullies, or if he can only change his shape? That would be cool if Echo could wrap his arms around Hugo or chase after the bullies lol. I think you have got a great story idea, and a great story telling composition! Great job!
3
Week
Kahlani's View of their World
Thank you Skye! As you guessed I did use ink on paper and I was going to submit it like that. Color isn't one of my strengths yet, but I wanted to challenge myself to try, so I added the color digitally (because I can always erase it lol.) I really appreciate your feedback because I was trying to create a contrast with the colors of Kahlani and the town, as well as not putting in so much color that it's distracting, so I'm glad to hear it worked!
Yeah, I'm thinking that Kahlani was found and adopted by human parents. (It even crossed my mind to make them have wings!) I do want the parents to be supportive, just not able to give what Kahlani needs. I'm thinking of having their encouragement to be one of the factors that pushes them onto their journey. Yes, I definitely want them to have a job as a handyman/inventor. Kahlani feels at such odds with their world that they think they are broken, so they find a lot of comfort in finding broken things and fixing them.
You really get it! In creating this character I really wanted them to be in a fish-out-of-water situation! I'm so glad that you found that! I, too, look forward to finding out more of Kahlani's story, and I really like your suggestion that when they get to the ocean that they want to fly instead! lol! Thank you for your feedback, I greatly appreciate it and it has given me a boost of confidence to keep at it!
1
Week
What If?
Hello Bay Area Dream Team!
You have three very interesting ideas that could make great stories! My favorite was the bat idea because I can see a lot of potential.
It makes me wonder if the bat is surprised by what it sees, and does he like it? Does he think it is a magical place where things are happening at all times? Is he easily overwhelmed by the light and bustle? And finally I wonder, does he choose to live in the day time or night? Or both? I think that you can explore so many ideas with this one, and I look forward to see any more development on it!
1
Week
What if
Hello Team Jamie!
Your second idea is my favorite, it is an interesting concept that a house that can tell ONE person its story. It makes me wonder, who will the house choose to tell its story to? What special circumstances happened to make possible? How does the person react to hearing the house talk? And I wonder, does the house want something from the person? I think that it is a very interesting idea and that you could have a lot of fun with it!
1
Week
Allison's Three What If's
Hi Team Allison!
These are fantastic ideas and each one immediately has me imagining scenarios rich with potential hilarity! My favorite idea is the wizard babysitting his kid because he might be a wise and powerful wizard who has taken down many foes, but struggles to put the kid down for a nap! It makes me wonder if he adopted the kid, or if his wife got a career too and now he has to share babysitting duty? I also wonder what kind of trouble the kid will get into, and how the wizard will baby proof his workshop? But I am most curious to see what values the wizard will learn to appreciate from this experience. I think you have great ideas and can't wait to see if you develop them further!
1
Week
Week 1-What if?
Hello Team PepperSketch!
I really like your three "What if" ideas, and I could see each of them becoming a great story! I also love your illustrations, they tell so much story by themselves! The idea that I'm most curious to hear more about is your shapeshifter idea. It makes me wonder why they would choose to abandon their original form, or were they forced to? More curious, how have they forgotten it? Did they live so long that it just faded into the past? Or was it an injury or trauma or even a villain that blocked their memory? By your illustration, it looks like they feel very lost by not knowing their real self, would their story be of them trying to find answers? Or trying to move on from it only to be haunted by their unknown past? Wow I'm really getting excited by your ideas! Great job! I look forward to seeing if you continue to develop this story!
1
Week
What if...
I love your second What If idea! It makes me think of how people believe talking to their plants makes them grow better, and that would be a great way for the story to start. Your what if made me wonder if the plants are the aliens, or if they were like little pets of the aliens acting as walkie-talkies? Also, whether the aliens were just as surprised to find a new species as the humans would be? I think it's a great idea that you could have a lot of fun with!
Week
Add a Title
I am very late, do I have until midnight in my region tonight (May 12th) to submit and still get the certificate?
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