The Prisoner's Cat

Ahh, William, thank you for your feedback. Agree with you completely, check out Fiverr.com in the future for your voice talent needs – lots & lots of great people there. The music I did myself so glad to hear it connected with you.

The Prisoner's Cat

Thanks yo. I'm looking forward to seeing how your film ended up, gonna check that now. This is episode one in a series of stories called QUARANTEENZ that is focused on how we deal with the isolation of our modern world. Sign up for my email list here mortuaryentertainment.com if you want to hear more in the future.

The Prisoner's Cat

Thanks so much, Marijke! Glad you came back to see how it has evolved. It has been hard to get this much done – I have another two hundred drawings listed in my "minimal" script for this episode haha! It was actually supposed to be nine minutes or so, which is partly why Judy feel like she's taking up so much screentime. The other characters were going to get a lot more lines – the cat, the guard, the lawyer – to all develop them & how their interaction with the prisoner adds to his characterization of isolation & dehumanization.

With Judy specifically I really wanted to try to show how isolated the prisoner will feel now that he is free, how he feels he won't find the kind of connection he had with his kind with the kind of people in the regular world he'll meet in now that he's free. This is also episode one in a series of stories I am working on called QUARANTEENZ that revolve around different feelings of isolation in our modern world. The next episode will shift from the prisoner & Hope to follow Judy. I almost included a title card expressing something about this but was already super late delivering this. Anyway I agree with you it's not quite working as is, but I really wanted that moment where she's on the other side of the door thinking about reporting him even though he's done nothing wrong – asking why someone isn't wearing shoes is more normal than someone not wearing shoes!

I agree 100% with you about the flashback. I struggled with this a lot actually & it ended up feeling really rushed here & kind of ruins the emotional connection in my opinion. That's big on my list of things to improve this week.

Feel free to sign up for my email list here if you want to get updates from me in the future mortuaryentertainment.com

The Prisoner's Cat

You get me. You reallyyy get me. You should see my real drawings lmao. You ever see The Maxx that was on MTV's Liquid Television? It was on around the same time as Aeon Flux. If not you should definitely check it out – not sure where you can buy it but lmk & I can find you a stream of it. Anyway in The Maxx the main character (Maxx) is a homeless man dressed as a superhero with delusions & he has a weird codependent relationship with his freelance social worker Julie Winters (who Judy Summers in my film is an allusion to). The Maxx was one of the comics that helped start Image Comics if you're familiar. Highly recommend if you're into that kinda stuff. Thanks again for watching.

The Prisoner's Cat

Ahhh thanks so much Cynthia. I feel like you really get what I was trying to say based on your comments & that means a lot. It's funny you mentioned the reuse of the storyspine – I actually wrote this story (or a version of it) around a year ago during lockdown in Berlin coinciding with my best friend's attempt on his life. It was mostly an outline at that time but I eventually developed it into a poem that I intended to turn into an illustrated piece similar to the form you see here but I still wasn't happy with it. Then I heard about this class & it seemed like the perfect opportunity to try it again. I really intended to re-record the narration but with everything else I had to do to finish something for this deadline I wasn't able to. This week I will for sure.

If you are interested, this story is actually episode one in a series called QUARANTEENZ that follows various characters dealing with feelings of isolation in our modern world. The next episode will follow Judy (which is why she is so prominent in the first episode). Feel free to sign up for my email list here if you want to get updates from me in the future mortuaryentertainment.com

Thanks again for your comments!

Bubble Pop

This is a really interesting take on the idea of consent – I imagine this story would quite different with a male lead approaching female bubble dwellers. Maybe best you cast it the way you did. It's really well told, great pacing, good story. It was unclear how the world came to be this way but I don't think you need to explain it – it's something we all understand. As a lover of scifi myself this felt very dystopian without being heavy handed & I think that is worth praising.

It was especially interesting to me that the lead didn't learn her lesson of pushing herself on others after the first time & in fact doubled down on her efforts to force others to live in the way she thinks is best. I think that's a good arc though it personally was hard for me to empathize with that choice – it definitely makes it better in the end when she realizes the error of her choices.

To make it stronger I would focus on the ending – especially on expanding how the character has learned to treat others with more autonomy & respect, realizing that just because she chooses to live without a bubble doesn't mean she has the right to force others to as well. I liked the way you had the ending as is – with the couple throwing the star at her – but I could see it being it taken another direction, maybe give her a serious "dark night of the soul" moment for us to dwell in with her, letting us see she has truly connected with the idea that others just don't want to live the way she thinks they should.

You might also look into adding voiceover. Try Fiverr.com, there's lot of talented people there – that would make this really come alive.

Overall I think it's a great message on both sides. I agree with you that people live too much in their bubbles. Good luck.

The Prisoner's Cat

Thank you for your feedback, Marijke. I'm glad it isn't coming off as overly dramatic or cliche – I was quite worried about this when I first started it. Authentic & raw are exactly the feelings I was going for so that's great to hear too.

The ending is obviously very personal for me so it is also wonderful to hear that is working for you & others.

I definitely hear you about the "convicted people are people too" & this is very very important for me in this narrative. I think most people see those who have committed crimes as subhuman somehow & I think that is very very dangerous & an awful way to treat someone, no matter what mistakes they have made. Everyone deserves a second chance. I am kicking around an idea that I will introduce this week that will give him some backstory but kind of make it clear it was his "fault" he ended up imprisoned but there were serious extenuating circumstances & that in a more just world he would not have been punished & perhaps could have received therapy instead. It's going to be hard to keep this understandable & succinct however. I would appreciate it if you checked back as this develops over the next few weeks to let me know if you think it is working better with or without a backstory for him. Thanks again.

The Prisoner's Cat

Yoko, thank you so much for taking the time to watch & respond. The ending makes me cry too, it was very hard to record the narration actually for that reason.

I'm really glad to hear it feels real to you especially considering you also know people who are incarcerated. The way our "justice" system works in this country has been something that has weighed on me my entire adult life since I first studied it. It is something I hope changes soon as it ruins so many lives, not just those behind bars but those connected to those imprisoned. Not to mention I think it's pretty obvious it makes our society worse overall as most people who spend time inside come out unable to rejoin society & are forced back into the cycle of crime. I do hope that some day either through this piece or something else I can bring some additional visibility to this important issue.

I hope your friends who are incarcerated are safe & get out soon.

The Prisoner's Cat

Hey James, thanks for the feedback & ideas here. I like the visual of the cat licking his face. I am pretty deadset on keeping the ending be the adoption shelter because it is important to me that this be part of the moral of the story. I am going to think deeply on this & see if there is a place for it though, it definitely really resonates especially because I want to expand the parts in the prison at the beginning where we see him & the cat connect more & there will be lots of licks there lol

The Prisoner's Cat

Thank you for your kind words, Hannah. I'm glad it is connecting. I am going to prepare this week's assignment with an expanded Act 1 to see how it feels having more context to his imprisonment. I have an idea for how to frame it that I think may make it even more poignant in the end. Please do check back as this develops over the next few weeks as I'd appreciate your impression as to whether or not the backstory is helping or hindering your connection to his character.

The Prisoner's Cat

Thanks, Megan. Yes, adoption is a very important thing to me too.

This story originally had an introduction where we see the prisoner before he gets imprisoned starting with when he was a child. He starts out being a bit of a loner because no one likes him as he is quite different from others (big, weird looking, likely autistic, etc.) so his isolation from others is partially because of that cycle of mistreatment. This cycle ultimately results in him being wrongly imprisoned. I think I may need to add this back into Act 1 for the story to make since so thank you for those questions.

The social worker is partially dismissive of him because that is just her character but also for the same reason that people bullied him all his life. She's also focused on her phone instead of doing her job which is meant to point out how the world / people have changed while he has been stuck in prison. I have some more story beats I want to develop between these two so hopefully that dynamic will make more sense in the end. She is meant to be the time we get to "see" the world be judgmental / dismissive of him which further pushes him to miss the unconditional love of his pet.

As to the morale: I purposefully left this out because I think this story will have more than one morale in it & I wanted to see what people naturally picked on themselves. My goal in writing this was to talk about an experience I had personally where adopting a cat helped me feel less depressed – that is where the idea of a cat named Hope came from. I also think that many of us many connect with the idea of being imprisoned after having gone through covid lockdowns. I also wanted to show that just because someone is big & scary – or even a convicted felon – doesn't mean they aren't also a real person with feelings, weaknesses, insecurities, & loneliness. There are many people in prison who are wrongly convicted & I hope to some day be able to bring more attention to this problem with our society, hopefully with a film based on this story. Lastly I will mention that during the worst of covid lockdown where I was living in 2021 a close friend tried to kill himself & was temporarily paralyzed but has luckily mostly recovered. This story is for him & I hope that seeing it helps him see that even though he may be stuck in a "miserable prison" that there is a way out.

"Bad Timing" Story Outline

I am a big fan of this kind of time travel story – where the character tries to change things in their past & realizes that those things are the things that make them who they are – so this is really working for me.

I didn't find anything especially unclear but I also think that might be because this story type has been one I've heard a few times before. Maybe you could try to think of something to add to it that changes it to make it a bit more your own? I don't have a great suggestion for what that might be though, I will try to think of something & come back to you.

Sheldon Takes Flight

Penguin that wants to fly is a great premise. It's a really fantastical premise yet you manage to keep his ideas really grounded.

It was a bit confusing to me how his different ideas fail – especially the hot air balloon & glider wings as they are relatively easy things to build, especially in comparison to inventing a plane!

My suggestion to make it stronger would be to consider changing the ending: what if instead of finding a "real" solution to the problem – fish oil fuel – Sheldon realizes he can fly in his imagination instead? This way the moment with the birds telling him the solution inside himself is more powerful – he might even at the end sit on the ground looking up at the birds & imagine that he was up there with them. In this way he could stay true to himself as a penguin & still get the feeling of flying.

Alternatively maybe you could have all his failures be based on trying to build a fueled plane (maybe he saw a human one at some point early on in the story?) & the reason he fails all the time is he is focused on the single solution. Then later on the birds suggest he looks back on his notes & he sees the drawing of the glider wings & a balloon & realizes that if he combined these two things it just might work. This way he would abandon the idea that came from outside (human plane) & instead follow his own creativity (the combination of his own two solutions).

Borealis - Story Spine

The idea of a coffee addicted bear is hilarious to me for some reason, very nice. It's good that there is some repercussions for him straying too much from his nature / using caffeine to harm his body for the sake of entertainment. This is presented in a good way without being too heavy-handed.

It was a bit unclear to me how the bear knows about the aurora at all – maybe he could see a tiny bit of the first time he stays awake with the coffee & thus becomes addicted idea to that at the same time? Or maybe have a moment where one of his friends tell him about it, or perhaps very early in life a family member tells him a story about the time they got stuck out in the winter & saw the lights themselves? I think adding this could give the story a bit more oomph around his desire to see the lights making it more important for him emotionally to do so.

Another thing I might suggest to make it stronger is to show more of how his coffee addiction changes him as a person – maybe he neglects friends / responsibilities because of it? Maybe it makes him grouchy when he can't get his fix? Something to cause a bit more tension around this part of the story.

Great drawings also – your characters' personalities / emotions really come through in them.

Grandpa & The Machine

This story has a good morale & message – I think we can all connect with the ideas here, & it is especially hard to see Jim lose his grandpa in such a special moment.

One thing that was unclear to me is what this technology is all about, how it works, what the problem with the power unit was, etc. Is it a cloner? If it is a cloner how does the clone has his grandpa's memories? Does it find his grandpa in the afterlife? I think it would help the audience understand your story better if this technology was more explained OR more fantastical – it's a bit too middling at the moment.

My suggestion to make it stronger is a bit radical – what if Jim could "hear" his grandpa when he was working on the machine all those years, giving him encouragement, building up his confidence, pointing out it is okay to fail as long as you keep at it & don't give up, etc. etc. – just generally being that same supportive character in Jim's life that he was when he was alive. & if that is the case maybe Jim never actually finishes the machine & instead he discovers that the way to bring his grandpa back into his life is to remember him, to remember who he was & the things he taught him. & in that way that is how the machine actually brings his grandpa back because anytime he misses his grandpa he can just go down to fiddle with the machine because even though he knows it will never actually bring his grandpa just being around it brings his memory back alive. I think you could also have it end where Jim is able to bring his grandpa back anywhere he wants just by remembering him & end it with the two of them sitting under that tree or something because I think that was a good image from your story here. Food for thought.

Aria's Music Journey - Story Spines

This story has a good spine that I think a lot of creatives can connect with as the process of working commercially can be draining of your creative spirit as well as the problems that others can create in developing one's ideas.

I was unclear about what exactly happens with the people who don't know what music is – is this a dream or is she actually in some alternate reality. I think there's room to expand how this part of her journey works – I think it could be especially meaningful if she rediscovers her passion once she goes through the process of getting someone who doesn't understand what music is to *hear* it.

It might be stronger if Aria is the one who "forgets" what music is instead of everyone else & that way it would be her journey of relearning music herself & finding her own passion again. I know that many artists & others who go through a horrible accident often have to relearn to do their skills (this happened to me with drawing after injuring myself) & it really has a profound effect on one's appreciation of their skills.

The Diablico Secret

I really like that you are drawing on this latin mythology to craft your story – I'd love to see more characterization of The Diablico as I think it could have a great personality that would add a lot of detail to the story / worldbuilding.

I was a bit confused by the characterization of Liliana. She seems to be quite insecure at the beginning based on her need to hide the things she likes to not risk drawing the ire of her friends & generally being very concerned with what others think of her. But I would like to know a bit more about her so that I can connect with who she is at the start of the story versus who she is at the end.

I would maybe make the insults her "friends" share be more poignant & less generic. I would also consider adding a beat that explains what Liliana replaces the toxic friends with in her life – for example maybe she starts a business making Diablico plushies & on each one she includes a long tag with a "myth" based on her experience that tells the morale of this story. As I mentioned before I'd like to see more of the Diablico's character & if you do add that then I think it could be cool if that character was also present at the end showing that it is still a part of her life – though that might not fit the myth you are working with.

Cool concept.

Death’s Offering

This is a good premise, I feel like it has some kind of connection to a folk story I've heard long before. But that's a good thing! Both your characters are really strong visually here & they completely communicate who they are with the way you've drawn them. Death is huge & imposing, inhuman features – even lacking pupils & eyebrows. Whereas the Doctor is cool, calm, & collected. She looks professional yet relatable. The setting is also very naturalistic, I swear I've been in a hundred doctor's offices with those exact same tools on the wall.

As for clarity – I think I would work on the candle aspect. The way it is presented there's only one candle in view but in reality there's two candles in this story – the patient's & the doctor's. I think it would help this moment in the story if we could see the patient's candle (maybe that's the one death is holding) & the doctor has her own candle in her hand, or maybe it's in front of her, or perhaps in death's other hand. This way you could show one candle being almost completely drained with the flame almost out while the doctor's is still tall. This particular moment in the story might be best done in the patient's room instead of in her office – that way we could see them to complete the image of how everything is connected.

Cool idea, keep going & good luck.

Where Skelly lives

Oh this one is super compelling. This is an awesome premise for a science fiction / fantasy story. I feel like it is especially poignant for well known places like Japan & China that seeing major decreases in their population growth but also many other places that are less well known like eastern Europe. It's also a great story premise because it so clearly reinforces that need we all have to address the concept of slavery. It reminds me a lot of stories about robots & how they are often used as a workforce against their will.

I think you could clarify where Skelly works exactly, maybe even have him commute to a bunch of different places throughout his day that we would all recognize. Maybe he has to work on the family's car every morning before they leave so it will start, then goes to the fridge to blow into the coolant to keep it charged, then relights the pilot light on the water heater, kind of like a house elf type story where each skeleton worker is keeping the things we rely on working behind the scenes but the living never realize this is how things work they're just too busy with their lives.

Cool idea!

WorldBuilding - Kirk in the city of Willard

This is cool. I want to know where this kitty is going & what he's going to do with his oval powers. It's unclear why he needs a personal heater but I think that adds to the mystery that pulls you into the piece. The city is also very mysterious – look forward to seeing more of it develop & the reason for Kirk's journey come to life! Good luck.

Grandpa

This angle is perfect for the story you've mentioned. Including the rafters is great at establishing that we are just a high angle camera – but there's a person up here! Could be cool to throw in a ghostly hand or something to sink it even further. This simple look tells me so much about Jim & his grandpa's relationship & without any other context I can already tell there's an important reason Jim has to bring him back.

A Cigarette in Love

Ohhhh man this one is dark – I love it. This is just a great juxtaposition / switcheroo on expectations. I don't know if I've ever seen a cigarette be the main character.

I'm a bit lost by the premise honestly but I love it anyway. The theme is also unclear here, as is the tone, & I'm fine with it. Is this a cautionary tale towards judging a book by its cover or the way rumors destroy people's lives? Or is it a hilarious deconstruction contemporary politics? Or is it the most taboo love story since Romeo & Juliet?

Honestly without understanding the premise more I'm hesitant to suggest anything beyond just keep pushing this idea in as many directions as you can before you pick a theme or morale. You've got a ton to play with here. Good luck.

The Prisoner In His Cell

Thanks for your feedback, Maria Teresa. I'm glad to hear you were able to empathize with him in this horrible situation. I am very flattered also that you think it is so strong as it is. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on where I plan to take this character next. Cheers.

The Prisoner In His Cell

Great feedback Jin Sung. I think you're right to not be certain what to feel at first – but I like the things you are feeling already. Your comment about the brick mouths is super interesting. "Is he the monster or are we?" – could not ask for a more profound response. I hope the narrative has as much of a profound statement in the end.

You're also super right about him needing more details in the animation like more facial expressions & body language too. I'll get there! Ran out of time this week. Thanks again.

The Prisoner In His Cell

Thanks for your feedback, Varian. I'm glad you connected with the emotions I tried to convey here. You're right the prisoner isn't as he appears on the outside. I hope through the narrative I am trying to develop that I can present a story that helps people realize that all people deserve sympathy, guilty or innocent, especially those living in the horror of the prison system. I intend to show the real softer side of this man & how he came to be here, & what happens next to him. Thanks again.