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5

Week

Act 1 Mona

I really like this idea and love your visuals here. I can see her finding out that not being "predestined" to what she is doing can actually be liberating. One piece that felt a bit confusing was the person saying that if she didn't choose by 18 something would be chosen for her. Doesn't that happen to everyone there but at birth? They are all born being told what they will be but she has 18 years to figure hers out. It might add to the stakes if she knows a few of the things that she will be assigned but those are things she would hate.

5

Week

Sheldon Takes Flight - Act 1

I like this idea of a penguin who wants to visit his ancestral land and so he learns to fly. My biggest question is why can't he swim there? It says that he cannot walk there but the image shows it as an island. Is this something he learns about or discovers about himself? Have penguins forgotten about their ability to swim long distances as they developed civilization? This is a very cool version of "the Hero's Journey". Very nice story.

3

Week

World of Bubble Pop

I love how you use expressions and images to tell this story. Just by looking at the image without seeing any description I get what this is about. Great job!

3

Week

Twirl and Lenny about to meet

I love how you tell your story. I wonder if there is a way to make Twirl the image closer to the front and the human moving towards him. Right now, Twirl is not my first focus and without seeing your description I might not get that whole story.

3

Week

Chap and Chop in the Office

I love the use of light and shadow here. I am drawn to the image on the screen and then to the character up front. The one in back seem mysterious and I want to know what he is writing down. He seems almost spy like.

3

Week

Character in their world

I love the use of color on the main character. It really draws the attention to the person. I wonder where this fits into your story. I want to know if this is an important moment.

3

Week

Isaiah in his world

I love the way the lighting draws attention to the important parts. This feels like it's from a resolution or the end of the story and it feels heartwarming. It makes me wonder if, before this, the grandfather and Isaiah haven't really had a time to connect.

3

Week

Iris and The Literal Upside Down

This concept can go in many cool directions. I saw a short that was nominated for an Annie Award that pursued it as an old married couple. One is stuck on the ceiling and the other is on the ground. They could not interact or really even reach out far enough to even hold hands. It was sort of like two people living in the same house but in different worlds. You could approach this in that way or start with a question like that. How does this separate or alienate her from others? Does this make having real connections hard or is she eventually able to connect with someone who appreciates her different perspective?

3

Week

The Warblers

I like this idea. I too am writing about birds. It's interesting to think about what happens when they leave and go south. A question I have though is what is the change or conflict for these characters? Is this what they want to do and something gets in the way? Are there obstacles to getting down there or are the obstacles things they run into down there?

2

Week

Meet Lumi

I like Lumi a lot. Her character has depth, doesn't stay within conventional bounds, and seems to be humorous.

2

Week

Lola the Hummingbird

Lola is an interesting character. I love the concept quite a bit. What is stopping her from sharing the burden? Do other hummingbirds have the same problem of not sharing it? If other hummingbirds are doing the same thing would they be too overwhelmed to take on some of what Lola is taking on? Would they be in the same situation or have they learned something that she hasn't yet? Is there a place that they can go to get more energy/drain out the bad energy?

2

Week

Shay

Hi Shayleen! I like the name too :). I was thinking that his family moved seasonally but that they are always the new kids. I moved quite a bit as a kid and this was a very relatable idea for me. Shay tries to avoid making friends until he helps another bird getting bullied then that bird and his friends just keep coming around and slowly Shay becomes their friends. He also finds out that this other bird, a popular girl, used to be migratory but now her family no longer moves. She won't tell Shay what they did so Shay and his friends keep trying to find out what her big secret is and how Shay can finally stay in one place. His goal throughout is staying but he finally learns that maybe staying will mean sacrificing what he ACTUALLY cares the most about, his family.

2

Week

Shay

I currently have Shay as a Tanager because I looked at birds that would be around other birds that I wanted to include and are visually different enough to stand out. I am keeping most of them as song birds just because of size differences and the scenes that they will need to be in together. I have a hummingbird in here and if I had a hummingbird and a goose talking it could get tricky with some of the shots.

2

Week

Shay

Thank you Julie! Shay starts the story off in the new town with his family. He is the middle child. His younger brother changes who he tries to fit in with each move. This time he's trying to fit in with the turkey's. His older sister does anything to make friends and become popular quickly. This time Shay swears that he just won't make friends so that he doesn't get hurt. He then steps in and helps a little bird who's getting picked on and that bird and his friends won't stop hanging out with Shay. Eventually Shay sees that he enjoys having friends even if he has to leave them. Shay's is quiet but has a strong sense of right and wrong and eventually does the right thing.

1

Week

What If Questions

My favorite is about drawings becoming reality. I can see this getting out of hand and then there being a lesson about accepting reality.

1

Week

What if ideas

I love all of these but can see the animal mafia one having a very clear story arc. I wonder if he then is on the street always looking over his shoulder or if he hides in his apartment but then starts suspecting that a mouse or rat could get in.

1

Week

What If - Chelsea & Ryan

I like the soulmate machine one the most. It feels like it has the clearest opportunity to have a clear traditional story structure.

1

Week

What if...

I like all the ideas but will explore the trees one. Are the trees trying to get a message out to the people? Are people listening or not paying enough attention? Are the trees sick of global warming? Are the trees offering a solution that people are not seeing to a problem?

1

Week

What If? - Croxi

The cursed ship idea seems interesting. I wonder what they do to try to get the ship to the water. Do they try replacing boards to see if the water gets closer? Are the lifeboats cursed too? Are the pirates able to get close enough to the water to get fish or food?

1

Week

Hmmm...

I like the gravity one. It is a fun idea with a lot of potential. I wonder what people do to adjust. Would people tie themselves to objects or swing from rope to rope? Is there a way to adjust to this? Is there another force that people discover to help with this?

1

Week

What if...

My favorite was the paintbrush idea. I can see it developing into a great story of collaboration. It sort of reminds me of the need for different skills. Does the paintbrush make something beautiful but it lacked a story or real feeling? Does the brush discover that it actually needs the person? Does the person learn to appreciate the brush more?

1

Week

What If Teaser

My favorite was the pigeon chess champion. This felt like it had a lot of possibility for funny moments and I feel like I can picture this just based on the single statement. It gives me enough information that a writer's room could run with the idea. I wonder if the pigeon was just a regular looking city pigeon who didn't talk but just moved the pieces and then tapped the clock. I can see the initial confusion in the opposite player and then once he starts getting beaten he takes the pigeon more serious. It's a fun concept.

1

Week

EW 3 Ideas

My favorite was the last one about the squirrel that liked to make mixed drinks because it felt like there could be some fun development there. I wonder why the squirrel loves making mixed drinks. Does the squirrel live in a park near a great pub or bar and loves how happy the mixed drinks make the people? What makes this squirrel choose this passion and how does the squirrel go about making this happen? I would love to see where this goes and how things develop.

1

Week

What If? - Emma Gamboa

My favorite was the first one, "What if a computer virus wanted to fix things". I can see a lot of possibilities for development. The fact that the virus is going against what a virus is expected to do draws me in. It makes me want to learn why this virus went against its programming/nature and how other viruses might react. The idea felt clear and makes me want to know more.

Week

Add a Title

I am definitely here because of story! I just finished a first draft of the story that I want to develop as a feature and now I am using this class to get a fresh way to go through and break down my story more and get to a second draft (then third, fourth, fifth, etc). I don't feel that I have the art skills for much of this but am getting lots from the class.

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