top of page

Not you? Click here

arrow&v

Explanation (Optional)

6

Week

Friend Shaped Act II

Love the concept that you have setup with W being whatever companion form a child desires and the conflict introduced when Sam doesn't know what she wants. So much material for a great story. I foresee your challenge being how you cut down the amount of narration you have to create a version with less "telling" for a tighter story, i.e. find moments where you can swap in character dialog or visuals to tell your story vs narration. Be sure to submit all 3 acts together this week. Great work and excellent pitching by the way. Looking forward to your next iteration!

6

Week

Greens world

Your opening concepts are all very interesting and it makes me want to know more about them. The challenge is understanding how they all fit together which would benefit from more details or background information in building your world and characters, for instance: who are the Greens? why do dogs exist and why are their heads the same shape? what is the story lead up to "wanting to be kinds and queens"? why do the Greens want to go to another plant, what are they hoping to find? One thing that might make your story stronger is making sure you go back to Week 4 and work through the assignment of writing your Story Spine. Then flesh out the story beats in between each line of your story spine so you have an outline of setting up your story, writing the adventure of what happens (your "because of that" steps), and your conclusion of your story. Again, the concepts you talk about here are all super interesting, you just need to connect them to each other so your audience understands what's happening. Great work & keep going!

5

Week

Act 1 Storyboard Clouds Surfing

Your storyboards are amazing, super clear with great details that lead the viewers eye and tell your story visually. I love the concept of surfing on clouds and want to know more about whether water exists in this world or why & how clouds are surfed on. One detail that I was confused by is why you included the bonzai tree moment, but perhaps you develop that more in Act 2. I'm curious to know what the obstacles are going to be for your character and especially curious why you choose to not tell your audience what your character's name is? Hmm, so intrigued in this world and where you will take your story. Nice work!

5

Week

Quacks act 1

Great story idea and cliff-hanger that makes me want to see where you take the story next. What consequence unfolds because of the explosion? Do we get hybrid animals and people? And what conflict will this accident create within the friends relationship. It's cool to hint at conflict in the relationship as your story heads into Act 2 and will the conflict get resolved as they both meet the challenges within Act 2? Love it!

4

Week

Lily the Lion Cub

I like your concept of seeing a character in a world that they don't normally inhabit and taking on a skill outside of their nature. One aspect I found unclear is why Lily's parents would so quickly accept Lily going to Venice Beach whenever she wanted and why the police escort her and/or join her family? There appear to be two obstacles: 1) having to watch her brothers, and 2) her injured leg, and it would be great to focus on only 1 obstacle and storyline and develop that story point to be a more meaningful accomplishment when Lily overcomes it. Nice work and I look forward to seeing your story evolve.

4

Week

Lumi's Story Spine

Your story is very imaginative and engaging - it drew me in to think about your rich and alternative world. It would be helpful for your audience to provide a few more details so we can better follow along: what is BOBA and what is its function? what is the alternative dimension and who are the characters that Lumi meets along the way (maybe a few looking for friends)? why does her brother disappear and does he still want a sibling relationship with Lumi? It might be interesting to visually show Lumi reflecting back on her journey and the emotions she felt along the way which give her that ah ha moment in realizing her self-reliance. Nice work & keep going!

4

Week

Electra's Story Spine

Your story has a very relatable premise of humans not feeling good enough or happy enough with our current status. I was a little confused as to whether the 2D Electra and real Electra are in fact separate individuals or the same person, just in different forms or spaces of reality. It would be nice to develop or reveal the details of the world that 2D Electra lives in, i.e. does she only appear on a billboard and if so, how does she discover that her world is not the real world or are they in fact two separate, real worlds? It may also add dimension if you built up the emotional stakes of what would happen if Electra was replaced? And does she encounter obstacles and how do you make those obstacles or stakes meaningful, so that your final reveal of Electra finding contentment with her current life feels like a resolution that is more believable or a realization that we are emotionally connected to as your audience. You have an interesting idea and the beginning structure is there. I look forward to seeing how you setup your world and characters in Act 1, and develop the stakes in Act 2 to create a nice arc in your character's evolution. Nice work!

4

Week

Bernard's goal

Nice job in setting up the contrast of people being scared of Bernard, yet his internal characteristic is the opposite, that he is nice. I'm intrigued by the fact that you may also be intending to do the same with Bernard's car, that people think its a piece of junk, but is it? You have the right structure in place and it makes me want to know more about your story, including, but not limited to: why are people scared of Bernard when he is actually nice? what is his motivation for wanting to be a racecar driver? what is stopping him from achieving that goal? is there a parallel that you can draw between Bernard being misunderstood and his car not really being a piece of junk? And why does it matter what people think of his car - is that an important detail to your story, and if so, why? Great concept and keep going - so many possibilities!

4

Week

Lottie’s True Love - Story Spine

You have created a sweet story with many universal themes of romantic love, disillusion, and friendship. And nice job in setting up the major beats your story. Your drawing style is great with a good eye in illustrating your story visually. One element I was confused by is the story point of Lottie's hair and what in particular draws the otter to Lottie because of her hair? Is there more that can be developed within that story point and what exactly draws the two characters together? It would be good to flesh out more details about Lottie's internal world and drive the story more from Lottie's perspective. It's an interesting story and I look forward to seeing where you take it next!

4

Week

Jett's Story Spine - When Home Runs Away

What a unique way to personify mountains, and symbolize one's family. I also enjoyed your theme that change is inevitable and loving your family for who they are. I was a little confused how startling the mountains would cause Jett's home to flee and whether there is a difference between "mountains" and "hills"? Can provide a detail or rule about this world and the consequence of "startling"? Also, it would be great to drive the story more from Jett's perspective, i.e. what does Jett feel or struggle with by seeing his family so angry? What does he learn when trying to corral his family to return home? And why does he accept letting them live how they want - what does he realize and why? Great story concept and I look forward to your story developing more!

4

Week

Week 4 Assignment

You have a lot of clever ideas coming together in one story and your illustrations are so great. I'm curious to know more about the moment of resolution between Rex and the humans? Did Rex use his telepathic powers to influence humans in some way? Was there conflict or drama to get to that point? Also, is Rex the main character of your story? If so, it would be great to hear more from his perspective or see Rex driving the steps in your story. Looking forward to seeing your story evolve. Nice work & keep going!

4

Week

The Great Protector Trials

Your story is relatable with the universal themes of belongingness, believing in oneself and perseverance despite critics. I really enjoyed your beautiful sketches and especially how the expressions communicate the Taima's feelings. I'd like to know a few details about Taima's world: is he the only part chicken/part thunderbird? Is he and/or birds like him seen as less than because of this? what is the competition very prestigious or what is Taima's drive to be a protector? What is at risk if he loses the trials? Great story and I look forward to seeing it develop further.

4

Week

Dream Seller

Aw I love this story and the incredible illustrations you included. I'm curious to know more about Enderr : how does he have the ability to invent dreams? why does he want to sell dreams to others? why is Lauren the only one who experienced a nightmare and why does Enderr so quickly switch his business in reaction to Lauren's experience? Is there an internal struggle that Enderr has before making such a big switch? Can't wait to see where you take your story next - great concept!

4

Week

Advancements and A Setback

Is this your Act 1 submission (instead of your story spine since it only includes the beginning)? I really like the setup to your story and the world building you have created. I'm curious to know who your main character is, how you are going to introduce them and what is the inciting incident of your story? What is their role in the world, what do they want at the beginning and what obstacles do they encounter along the way that cause them to evolve through your story? I can't wait to hear more - keep going!

4

Week

The Antique Store Story Spine

I love the uniqueness of this story and the charming drawings that go along with it. The design of your character so nicely matches how structured Emily is and how highly she regards herself. It's a wonderful twist how Emily embraces ghosts when based her personality, you would never think so. I was confused, however, when you mentioned that Emily now has friends on both sides. Perhaps you could add a detail or moment that reveals why she now has friends in the real world as well. Was there an incident or aha moment that caused Emily to change? Great story and I look forward to seeing how it progresses.

3

Week

107 in the Yard

Having a ball as your character is a unique idea. The challenge I see you encountering is how your character will drive his story being that he relies on others to move through his world. When you mention "rough" are you being literal in that 107 doesn't control anything in his life? Very curious to see where you go next with your story and to know more about 107 and his character arc or journey. Nice work!

3

Week

Da’at in the Garden

Great illustration of your character and the world around them. Love that Da'at is bright green and has horns or are they antennae? This drawing makes me wonder what kind of alien is Da'at, why she came to Earth, and what her new friends Benny & Laura think of her? Nice work and keep going!

3

Week

character world

Great sketch of your character alone on the bus. It makes me want to know more about your character and the world you are building for your character to have an adventure, face challenges that cause them to grow and change by the end of your story. Be sure to work on your story spine in Week 4 and keep going!

3

Week

Moran

That is a beautiful world and I'd love to go there. I'm curious to know who Moran is and how he fits into this world, and if this world is dangerous, beautiful or somewhere in between and if Moran likes living in this world. I want to know more, keep going!

2

Week

Farron in the Valley

I love how you have setup the conflict with Farron wanting to be independent, but living in a community that values following the rules. I'm curious how Farron will reconcile this conflict. What was unclear to me these conflicting points: "independence is possible, but survival requires teamwork"? But I imagine this will make for great material and an interesting story. Nice work & keep going!

2

Week

Kahlani Character Profile

I love the depth you've setup for who your character is, and what a clever juxtaposition to have a mermaid who's never seen water. I'm incredibly curious how Kalani and family have lived away from the ocean and want to know their backstory, as well as what obstacles you have Kalani encounter along her journey to learn the moral of your story, which is fabulous. Nice work!

2

Week

character profile

Great character sketch. I get both the sense that Jay may appear scary to others and that he is also a little insecure or unsure of himself. It would be great to know how Jay holds himself back? What would be a successful career in his mind? And what are 1-3 obstacles you could setup that Jay has to overcome, and what does he learn with each one? Great universal theme that your character is struggling with and we can all relate to. Nice work, keep going!

1

Week

What If...?

Very clever ideas. The kids with cancer are superheros fighting villains could be an excellent story for those kids struggling with the decease and fostering imagination. I'm especially curious about your money idea. What would anyone do if they only had 24 hrs? And what would happen at the end of those 24 hrs? So many questions that I want to know the answer to!

1

Week

Carlos and Madeleine's "What If" Ideas

Great ideas, love them all. Plants talking and/or a cat getting jealous of the significant other leaves room for a lot of humor to unfold and could be such a journey from funny to dramatic to scary to any genre. I'm most curious about the holographic child however and why someone would want to do that, is it to test out the responsibility or learn about and practice parenting or what is the purpose of that? Keep going as I want to know more!

1

Week

What if...Patrick's Ideas

Wow, these are so great! I especially love the idea of a catepillar documenting their transformation into a butterfly. What would they share and would they be able to remember, talk about and share their feelings throughout. So cool, love it!

arrow&v
Filter comments by week

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

P's Comments

Please wait while we load your amazing content

bottom of page