Lily

Overall I really liked watching Lily work towards her wants/goals. I think the part that was a little clear initially was the fact that Lily was left to watch her brothers and not really able to go anywhere. It made it sense after I learned about her leg, but personally it felt like it was missing a little bit more information regarding why she’s stuck at home. For example, are her parents trying to be protective, thinking it’s the best thing for Lily? In this case, maybe including her parents and their own wants and misconceptions would have strengthened the moral of the story.

Good job!

Friend Shaped

I absolutely loved this story. I particularly loved the scene after W snaps: Even without being completely explicitly stated, we get a sense of loneliness from both characters with the use of visual storytelling. It was well done.

Good job!

Searching for Sunlight

It was heartbreaking to watch Fuga die right when he had made it out, but one of the parts I liked was actually that scene because of how it ended. Even though you killed off your main character, Fuga’s wants as a character still felt fulfilled in his eyes and I quite liked that. He was also able to give Holly another chance at life, which added a little bit of hope at the end.

The thing that was unclear to me was near the ending when Holly finds out Roswell’s plan. Even though a full play-by-play wouldn’t be necessary with this form of storytelling, it felt like there was some sort of explanation missing.

Good job!

Gravity

I like how you established Rylan’s wants as a character. It wasn’t just “Rylan likes space,” it was “Rylan likes space *because* of these reasons”, and ultimately it connected me more to him, Declan, and the story overall.

Good job!

Skyfellers - Act I

I loved how you’ve started to communicate your character’s personality’s even without outright narrating it. For example, I already get the sense that Al has a strong presence and precedence in decision making on the farm, and how impulsive (violent?) Mel is, and Chase’s quietness (mellowness?) seems to be part of his personality.

The one part I was particularly confused about was the part where you say “Chase and gang were lucky enough they only reared plants”. Since the sky fellers are shown to pillage both the town’s crops and oats, aren’t both sides equally disadvantaged? It might help to clear up this point.

THE SHADOW'S BAZAR, ACT1

Overall I really love this act 1. In particular, I really liked how act 1 ended; the antagonist appearing right at the end to throw off Zala’s plans really hooked me into the story and make me want to see how the rest of it plays out.

The part that was unclear to me was in the beginning when Zala thought she was saved after being taken in at the bazar. What exactly was she being saved from? Was she lost in the middle of the desert and stumbled upon the bazar? A possible course of action would be clarify this: I wonder if as a viewer I’d be more invested in Zala’s journey if I was aware of the struggles that she’s gone through and why the bazar means so much to her.

Dream Seller - Act 1

I like this set up into the story. We learn a little about Enderr, and we learn his goals (wants) in life and how he’s made a career out of it. Already I’m invested in this story simply because the concept of a person being able to invent dreams is very compelling to think about.

It’s clear that people come to Enderr to avoid pain/nightmares, and the rich old woman initially seems to just be another one of those happy customers. Now we’re only in act 1, but because of what I just mentioned I felt like there needed to be a stronger setup into act 2. In your previous submission the old woman actually returns, essentially telling Enderr that his dream is defective; this is super interesting! I wonder if it might be stronger story-wise to try and include that somewhere in act 1, where you can really hook your viewer in.

Caelus

I really love this idea of a friendship between these 2 world’s you’ve created. I also like the journey that these two characters went through to achieve that friendship, and the determination they have to keep it despite the odds and their differences.

I was a little confused about the part where the sky people come to bring Caelus back, and then immediately after the ground people “built flying machines to bring Caelus back. I’m interesting in what your intention was for this. Did the ground people make the flying machines to take Caelus back to them (the ground people) after the sky people took him back?

The Little Apprentice

This is a little out of order from how the questions are ordered, but ultimately there wasn’t anything very confusing to me. I was able to get the underlying message, and I really liked how it ended with the wizard connecting with his daughter. That was ultimately my favorite part, when this “lone wolf” wizard realizes how important those connections are.

Mel can't face his fears.

There are several aspects of this drawing that I really liked, and that I thought matched up really well with the description for it. I’m really getting how scared Mel feels based on how small and isolated his figure is compared to the rest of the image, and even though Mel is the one in shadow, there’s a shadow cast over Barry’s figure that makes him feel large and ominous. The repetitive posters of Barry surrounding Mel also give me the sense that he’s feeling very overwhelmed by this clearly powerful and popular figure. I think overall you did a really good job!

"I'll see you guys in Spring..."

I love the mood of this image. I’m really get this sense of loneliness that Aban’s probably feeling because of the overall moodier tone. The fact that we’re looking out from Aban’s perspective from inside the dark cave really sells idea that as well. Unless my interpretation is off, it seems like you were able to get your intention across.

Lottie’s whole world

I really like the use of color in this. You were able to really convey comfort in this scene with the warmer color ‘cast’ by the lights, and it captures and reminds me of all the times I’ve cozied up in my bed to read after a long day.

I don’t think the idea of this being a magical moment for Lottie really comes through quite as clearly as the comfort aspect. I feel like because of how important reading is to Lottie, figuring out a way to better highlight the book (for example, maybe literally having the book itself cast its own light?) might communicate that concept better.

Inflatable World

My favorite part about this is how you've gone for contrast between the character and their new environment by making the character more smooth and rounded, and then putting sharper elements like the cactuses nearby. The concept overall is really interesting.

I picked up on the differences between the two different environments, however even though the main character is clearly uncomfortable where they are, I was a little confused because I didn't fully get a sense that the sharp environment was all that more dangerous than the left. I wonder if it would help to exaggerated that difference between the sharp and the inflatable environments even more. I wonder if it would help use tone and/or color to give the sharp side a more mysterious/dangerous feel.

Meet Lumi

I really like the designs for both Lumi and Boba. The details on both look thoughtfully considered for their characters, though we don’t know as much about Boba right now. I also love Lumi’s determination and passion; it makes me want to root for her and see her succeed.

A couple things were unclear to me, the first being about the fact that Lumi’s inventions to help find her brother keep breaking. Are we supposed to get the impression that Lumi is an up-and-coming inventor who still has a long ways to go? Or does she specialize in other inventions that aren’t necessarily related to the ocean? I’m also curious about Boba and how this invention is supposed to work, and what it means for Boba to only “somewhat work”.

Lily The Lion Cub Character Development

Whether you use Lily’s exact character design or not, I love how she turned out. She’s absolutely adorable, and I like how simple and recognizable her design is. Even if she was viewed as a silhouette, we could probably easily recognize her anyway because of the large elements you added like her bow.

I found myself wanting to learn more about Lily. I also ended up being confused over whether she's someone who gets frustrated easily, or has little patience only when it comes to her siblings. (I have younger siblings myself, so I can relate heavily to this, haha.) It’s because of this that my suggestion for you could be to think more about these aspects of Lily, which might help flesh out her personality and make her a stronger, more multidimensional character.

ECHO

I can’t speak for everyone but I imagine many people, myself included, has imagined at least once that their shadow being a being you could interact with—imagined them being a friend. I like Echo’s caring and protectiveness over Hugo.

The questions I’m left with after watching this is how exactly a shadow is brought into existence, and who is it that assigned these shadows? It was also unclear to me how Echo is able to comfort Hugo if he isn’t aware of Echo’s existence. Does Hugo feel Echo comforting him, even if he’s unaware? I’m curious about your intention for this, but it was interesting to think about the possibility that Echo comforting Hugo, though physically represented, is actually reaching somewhere deeper mentally/emotionally.

Troy from The Lost Delivery

This is a really fun concept to think about. Already Troy is being placed in world where, as I'm assuming it, space travel is possible; and if there’s an intergalactic space delivery company, to me it also communicates that people live on other planets, or at least somewhere outside of earth. My favorite part is the fact that there’s such a thing as a space delivery service. Troy works a job that at a base level is very familiar, but the added fact that it’s space delivery makes it new and exciting to think about. Additionally, my favorite part about Troy himself is that he isn’t just a delivery guy, but a natural science student as well, and it opens up some ideas of what he might be passionate about.

One part that was unclear to me is why the lesson that Troy needs to learn is the big lesson he needs to learn. Is Troy someone who works too hard to impress and/or satisfy others at the expense of himself, for example? What was your intention for this? As a viewer, hearing that he needs to learn that “being enough for yourself is all that matters”, it makes me want to learn more about the mental struggles he probably faces, and it’s possible that better establishing them could help make his character stronger.

Meet Bailey - The 5 dimensional Spirit

Bailey is already such an interesting, multidimensional character (sorry). I like that he’s a being with a job, but has found things outside of that interest and fulfill him (however detrimental they are to him actually doing his job). My favorite part about him is how human he is, funnily enough. We see this multidimensional being with god-like powers, and yet there’s something very human about the way he navigates and feels about his life. For example, even though none of us know what it’s like to be a 5 dimensional being with multiple of arms, many of us can probably relate to wanting to do our favorite hobby instead of work.

The part I found unclear was the interaction between the 5 dimensional beings and humans itself: Can humans actually see these dimensional beings and know they’re being controlled/guided?

Meet Aria

I really enjoyed learning about Aria. Overall I thought you created a really strong introduction to her; she feels real and ready to take on the obstacles of your story. What I thought was the most interesting about this character is the fact that we’re being introduced to her at a very successful period in her career; however at the same time it’s the lowest point for her in terms of inspiration. I feel like artists, creative people, have all experienced this struggle between wanting success, but also wanting to stay true to themselves. I imagine because Aria is going through all these experiences and feelings, lots of people will be able to relate and connect with her.

At this point there isn’t anything particularly unclear to me, and I think you’re on the right track. Now I’m just interested in how Aria’s story will unfold: does she overcome her fear? And if so, how might overcoming that affect her career? How might it affect her personal connections?

What If...

I ended up being really interested in the first idea about the little people who live inside our machines. This idea already creates a world that leaves room for a lot of fun questions and possibilities. It also makes me wonder about details of this world—like whether we and the smaller people’s lives are symbiotic, or if one benefits more from the other.

What I found confusing was how the little people get in the machines in the first place. For example, if we, the larger people, are the ones who create machines like cars and stoplights, do we 'hire' and/or put the little people in them? I also wonder about what it might actually mean for them to "operate" the machines. Is it like a corporation where these little people have to clock in their hours, or are they more like blood cells in the human body?

Jalen - What If...

My favorite was the one about the cat with a universe in its belly. It’s a compelling idea that really makes me want to learn more about this universe, and I wonder about the universe itself: is there life in the universe, and are they aware that they’re in a cat’s belly? And whether they do or not, how does the cat’s daily life affect theirs? This leads into what was unclear to me, which is the “heroic” aspect of the cat. What is it that makes the cat heroic?

what if...

I was really drawn to “What if 2 kids just broke the sun”. It’s a situation that has huge consequences on all life on earth (at least in our universe), and I find it interesting to think about that and how the kids might go about fixing it (if they even try to in the first place). At the moment what’s unclear to me is how exactly the kids break the sun. I’m left wondering, if the sun is as far away as ours is, is there something like a magical object involved that breaks the sun?

What If Teaser

I really liked the one about the elephant’s mission to touch the moon. It’s fascinating to think about such a large and heavy creature managing to find its way up into space, and what kind of experiences it might have up there, especially since gravity doesn’t have an effect up there.

Obviously this is early is the idea phase, but to me it’s unclear why exactly the elephant wants to touch the moon. What’s its motivation? I’m excited to find out what strategies the elephant tries to achieve its goal.

What if…

My favorite idea is the first one, about the film location scout. What I particularly liked is that it sets up the story for a fun dynamic between the creature and the film scout. I’m left wondering what kind of relationship they might have throughout the entire story, and whether the scout chooses the location for the film regardless of the creature.

Something that could be clarified for me is what kind of creature we’re talking about. For example, is it a poltergeist/ghost type of creature that can easily move through the walls?