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4

Week

Caelus

I like your artistic direction! One thing that was confusing to me was how Caelus and his friend overcame the stigma between the peoples. One suggestion for making it stronger would be to not be afraid to really dig into what the prejudices look like, and how to overcome them -- I think that's the heart of your story!

4

Week

Jett's Story Spine - When Home Runs Away

your concept and world is fantastic. I was a little confused by two parts: (1) how did Jett's leaving put into motion the chain of events? How was the mountain spooked by Jett? (2) what caused Jett to have his emotional change and reversal? Was it seeing the mountains fight? Getting exhausted at having to go collect them all? One suggestion for making things stronger is to play up the power and importance of the mountains, and make it a little obvious Jett doesn't really how important his work is.

4

Week

Chap and Chop Story Spine

Honestly I loved every part of this story, it's very well done and I feel like there's growth for the two primary characters. If I had to list something I found unclear, it would be what exactly Chop wants to see from the human world, and what exactly Chap is trying to obtain. Lots of fish? One fish? A little bit more exposition in the lead-up to the beach is what I'd suggest here.

4

Week

Skelly : StorySpine

The world you built and the premise are awsome, and the twist of Skelly finding a human in a casket was a great one.

I was a bit confused on who the main character was (maybe there are two?) and what their end goals were. I think if you set up a bit more of an "I want" scene as each character is introduced, it will help with the stakes of their adventure.

4

Week

Kyota's Story Spine

This concept is so much fun! Part "Soul" part "Treasure Planet". One thing that confused me was the personal growth they experienced that led them to the conclusion. I suggest giving them a clear conflict that relies on their personalities, and overcoming some flaw, to make the story even stronger. What's something they can only do with one character piloting the other's body?

4

Week

The Mysterious Book of S

I really loved the concept and the voyage of discovery the main character goes through. One thing I found confusing was the path the girl and the book take to getting to know each other and forming a partnership. Since they seem to both be characters in their own right, how did they grow over the course of your story? I suggest putting some conflict in front of them that forces them to overcome some character flaw so they can work together.

4

Week

Cian and the Metaverse

I loved the world-building in this story, because I think the audience is going to be able to grasp it as a possible (dystopic?) future for our world. I was a little confused why Cian decided to not re-enter the metaverse as a result of his quest. If he encountered more amazing beautiful things out in the world, or if he met people who wanted to spend time in person, it might solidify a reason for the character growth.

2

Week

Leonardo, with his head in the Stars

Thanks, great questions! He'll definitely be using a telescope as well, the binoculars were to hint more at the fact that he's always prepped to look upward.

2

Week

Leonardo, with his head in the Stars

Thanks! We're pondering that ourselves, trying to figure out what the real root of Leo's disconnection is.

2

Week

Leonardo, with his head in the Stars

Thanks for the feedback, that's a great call-out that we need to set up more examples of what Leo's challenges mean.

2

Week

Character Profile: Mona

I loved the world-building you did here in the character's backstory, it connects everything in a great way. What I like most about the character is that she's not letting a difference stop her. What I found unclear is what she wants to do, in a concrete sense. Not wanting to let her differences stop her is pretty vague -- if she had a concrete goal she would normally be blocked from due to her difference, it would help me visualize where she's going.

2

Week

Maria & Selena

These are both super strong characters for a short, and I don't know if I have any deep critique here. What I liked most about both characters is what they're going to bring to their relationship and conflict -- its easy to see how they will relate to each other while still leaving room for growth and surprises. What I found a little unclear is how Maria's choices will affect Selena -- what can she actually do to help her daughter? I think if you hinted a bit more at what she has done _so far_ to help her daughter, it will set up a lot of stronger conflict options.

2

Week

Doug and Marlowe character profiles

Incredible characters! I could feel a lot of resonance with both of them, and see how they could fit into a narrative. What I found a little confusing is how Doug's lack of ambition was going to interact with Marlowe's goals. Why is he where he is? If you pushed a bit more on the relationship between them, I would find it much stronger.

2

Week

Week 2, by Jiwoo :)

What I really liked about Stella is the detail around her hair being a source of inspiration, as I think it gives you a lot of room to play. What I found unclear was how losing her pencil was going to connect to character growth around making more choices. I think if you hinted a bit more about the dilemma surrounding her next steps, it would help me see the connection.

2

Week

Renee Character Sketch

What I liked about this character is the details around where they fit in their universe -- I could imagine the archetypes very well. What I found confusing or unclear was what would motivate her to change her situation. I think if there was a clearer gap between where she is and where she wants to be, it would help the audience root for the character more.

1

Week

Busses, Lights, Music

Thanks, these are great questions! We're definitely pondering them as well.

1

Week

Busses, Lights, Music

Thanks for the feedback! Great questions. I think we were envisioning like a Harry Potter Knight Bus situation, but is it baths? Shower stalls? Not sure yet!

1

Week

Busses, Lights, Music

Thank you! Having it be a group celebration hadn't occurred to me, now we'll have to ponder that one.

1

Week

Busses, Lights, Music

Thanks! The question of what the aliens are celebrating is a fun one. Would they have Christmas? Would it be an alien christmas?

1

Week

Busses, Lights, Music

Thank you! We like this idea as well. I was definitely inspired by some of the early Disney Silly Symphonies, and thinking about how you could play with good farmers being master instrument crafters

1

Week

Busses, Lights, Music

Oh hey, I love this idea. It makes me think that maybe the constellations are art exhibits put together by alien artists, and they're always trying to make better ones

1

Week

Busses, Lights, Music

Thanks! We haven't fully worked out how widespread the Alien decorating is, but I like where your head is at around playing with expectations of usefulness.

1

Week

What If...

My favorite idea is the one around little people living inside our machines. It reminds me of the imp-powered devices from the Terry Pratchett universe, and I think it provides for a ton of fun explorations. It makes me wonder: do the little people power the machines? I'm not clear on what role they serve.

1

Week

What If Teaser

My favorite idea was around living on solid clouds. It gives so much room to worldbuild and explore! It make me wonder if everyone has personal planes, and how people get around. I think the only thing that's unclear right now is what conflicts this provides the characters

1

Week

What if…

My favorite idea was the otters idea, probably because I think it's so wholesome and I love otters. It make me wonder: Do the otters know they're the only ones to experience true love? Does that create conflict with other animals? I think the universe the otters live in could be clearer.

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