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8

Week

Bad Timing

Loved the visual comedy in this! The only thing I would say is maybe tweak the timing in places to help get that energy across.

8

Week

Bubble Pop

Aww! I really connected with this. Such an improvement from when I saw this last! The action was especially well done.

8

Week

Indigo Kid

There are some very strong elements to your story but overall I’m a little confused. Maybe just a little more explanation of the setting and the character’s motivations would help. for example Why does he want to work on earth?

8

Week

Unbeelievable-

Hahah wow, some really great elements to this and I love the moral

8

Week

Time Changes

Haha that tooth brushing thing where the mum isn’t in the reflection is so clever! I wish I had seen more of the story. I noticed a lot of the animation is very involved. Well done for your ambition but maybe for the storyboarding stage it may help to focus more on still frames and animatics.

8

Week

Wolf and Dragon

Beautiful. The way the music matches the action is very well done. And the drawings are lovely. Haha you should be very happy!

7

Week

Marin- Acts 1-3

Yeah !!

7

Week

Croxi - Act 1, 2 and 3

Whoa good job! Love the scene transitions. Brilliant. The only thing I would say is it would be even better if you could find a way to build the tension even more in the second part of act two. Raise the stakes somehow.
Maybe make it clear they have been there for a really long time and are maybe running out of food. Or there is maybe some event they are going to miss. Maybe the jewel, for example, Is part of a bigger mission that they are at risk of not completing because the captain is distracted by greed. Haha but maybe I’m getting ahead of myself

6

Week

Act 2

Oh no, she is scared at first. But she’s a determined personality so she doesn’t let that get in the way! But thanks for bringing that up so I can make that clearer in the future.

6

Week

Act 2

Ahh okay, the creature has been part of the story since week one. Maybe take a look at my story spine from the previous weeks. I don’t think we are supposed to add the main antagonist till act 2 so I can see why he might be a surprise if you are unfamiliar with the story concept. But thanks for your input.

6

Week

Skyfellers - Act I & II

Well done on trying out telling the story with no narration. So much more work but very successful.
One thing I’m a little confused by is did they intend to let the dragon go or was it a mistake and they were just trying to make it more comfortable?
In order to make it stronger I wonder if there could be more drama in this second act. In the examples they included a number of ups and downs which get progressively bigger. I wonder how this could be used here.

5

Week

Ms. Nguyen & Sammy // Act 01 Outline

Oh wow, student guidance councillor as monster in disguise! Love it.

I wonder if there could be a reason for this to happen that is outside of a pre existing franchise, just so you can practice the whole story telling process. Then again, I’m sure being able to take a pre existing premise and build off it is a very valuable skill.

It might also be cool if we could see more about this student so we can get more context about how she is odd before we see her discover the monster. So we are less surprised by her strange reaction. Even just a tiny scene that works as an introduction-like she’s reading a book that other kids think is weird. Something small like that.

5

Week

Act 1 Thumbnails - Borealis

Such brilliant expressions! I wonder if this might be made stronger by giving more emphasis to how all the other animals are talking about the northern lights, just like a couple more panels because this is so important to the story

5

Week

Act I - First Day of School

Awww ! Lovely drawings. I can’t find much to say to make it stronger except maybe if you ended act one with the girls expression just as she is about to enter the classroom alone. Build up a sense of expectation.

5

Week

Croxi - Act 1

Whoa ! Nice work! So many drawings. Awesome stuff. Haha plus, engaging story and lovely moments of visual humour.

5

Week

Snowed In Act 1 (with subtitles)

Aww yes great premise for a story. I think most of us have that group of friends that is now dispersed all over the country/ world. I wonder if this story will touch on the difficulty of maintaining friendships long distance over long periods of time and how this effects the characters

5

Week

Une Masquerade Ridicule - Act 1

Beautiful ! And very immersive.

5

Week

Act 1

I see your point. The models are perhaps a bit confusing but they are actually really linked into the job she gets. In old live action films they often used miniatures alongside real sets in order to save on budget. And often juniors in art departments are asked to make models so that the director can visualise how the film will look. But I guess this is quite niche knowledge so I may have to include some sort of explainer. Maybe a film making documentary playing in the background? I mostly included the set building in because I was trying to ‘show rather than tell’ that she was a creative person who puts a lot of effort into her work and to demonstrate why her goal is to work in a film art department. haha but the narration confuses that somewhat!

5

Week

Act 1 Storyreel

I love the idea of dinosaurs outside of their time. This could be the brilliant foundation for a fun story. But I’m a little confused by the dinosaurs and their abilities. Where do their abilities come from? And if they are so advanced, why are people such an issue for them? I’m also wondering what we’re their motivations for making a space ship? I think more information about the dinosaurs motivations would really help.

4

Week

Billie Story

Aww I’m tearing up. Haha I can totally see why he would be scared of human ghosts but it’s impossible to dislike a friendly dog, even in ghost form!

4

Week

Lottie’s True Love - Story Spine

I like the idea of two outcasts making a friendship across barriers, but I’m a little uncomfortable with the romantic association. I know you mention it’s a platonic friendship. But I wonder if we could make this clearer.

Maybe lottie shuns all other friendship opportunities because she is looking for her one true love. this otter and the journey she’s on helps her realise that a romantic relationship is only one part of a persons life. she realises she must also develop a circle of friends and a community in order to truly flourish and be happy.

Maybe her parents seemed like the perfect couple but actually were too intense. They threw all their effort into this relationship and so had no other social circle of support.

Lottie may also help her otter friend get back his own community by helping the otters see that romantic relationships aren’t all there is to social life.

4

Week

Story spine

Yeah I got in such a pickle because I couldn’t work out how to fit the story within a story spine. At one point I actually had two, one for Zoe but also one for the creature. But I struggled to work out how to combine the two without making the story jump around loads.

4

Week

Story spine

Yeah I’m wondering about what happens for the creature after Zoe gets her promotion too. Eventually I guess they will finish filming in the castle and the creature would be bored again. But I guess Zoe could recommend the location to different film teams. Or she could publish a website saying the house is haunted in order to attract tourists which the creature can enjoy spooking.

4

Week

Kyota's Story Spine

What a good moral! Maybe you could push that even more in the story by making it so each of the two takes it in turns to control the body but fails. And it’s only once they decide to work together and learn from each other that they are successful

4

Week

Worked Like A Dog - Story Spine

Yes, maybe give the festival more significance. Maybe it’s a careers fair of some kind or a place she hopes to meet someone she looks up to or possible mentor. Something that she believes to be the key to her future happiness.
Then, when she is made to go into work she is forced into the decision of quitting on the spot in order to follow her passion.

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