Not you? Click here

arrow&v

Explanation (Optional)

3

Week

Mr. Charcoal in Recovery-land

I like the dynamic watery colors and character designs depicted in this picture. The only problem for me is that there's so much to look at that I'm a little lost onto what's going on. I'm not sure if I should be focusing on the lima bean on a horse, the taco food tent, or the dissolving guy in the middle. It makes me intrigued, but I feel like it gives me a lot more questions than answers. I really liked the title of it — Mr. Charcoal in Recovery-land is A+ marketing. What might've made it more digestible is maybe choosing between depicting the recovery process or the recovered character in the new world. However, this is just a suggestion cause the assignment was to put a character in their world, and Mr. Charcoal is certainly in a vivid, lively world.

In regards to why your group might not have gotten as many comments as you wanted is probably simply because of the late submission. There's a lot of good colors and character design here that'd make me want to click on it. The busyness might make it a little intimidating to comment on, but it's a lot easier to add a lot and get advice on what to cut back than have almost nothing and expect people to give good advice. So, good on that there.

3

Week

Songs That Change Reality

I like the creative idea and it's illustrated clearly in the picture with the change in colors/saturation. The shading on the girl's hair is also well done. The concept makes me wonder if the singing just changes the coloration of things around her or if the singing can change the city more substantially. It's not that the drawing itself is unclear, but more that it piques my curiosity and desire to see the idea play out.

3

Week

Week 3

I like the look and details of this drawing since it both shows the main character, their world, and their reaction being in this world. The dark lighting is also very eye-catching. If I'm reading this right, the main character looks a little unsatisfied and full of some sort of negativity despite all the life around them. It creates an interesting question as to why they're looking so glum and digging into that would solidify the character a lot. Maybe have them looking at something significant to them or that nods to their woes. But yeah, really nice illustration — I like the mushrooms, shadows, and color scheme especially.

3

Week

Danylo's world.

The notion of a world suddenly loosing gravity is really intriguing and I love how you crafted the perspective to emphasize the people in the air. Plus, I really like your drawings (the blue highlights and sign are seriously eye-catching) and, as another team of one, I admire the effort put into the background details.

Something I found a little unclear is how the main character isn't affected by the gravity shift. It took a little thinking to realize that while everything is floating, the main isn't because of where he was placed on the canvas. It makes it hard to see if he's on the ground or in the air like everything else, so, without the description, I would've never realized how he was an "outsider" in the world. However, I think you did convey the loss of gravity really well and the chaos it causes with the floating things.

3

Week

Charlie's World

The dark, featureless figures and the main's frown is really understandable, yet subtle characterization of this situation. I absolutely love the frown and imposing figures against the happy "Welcome Back." For once, I can't really say I find anything super confusing or unclear. If you wanted to expand on this, you could maybe add a nod to whatever makes Charlie look so distraught to be at school. Like maybe, a paper with an F on it or a piece of gum stuck because of bullying. However, what you have now conveys a ton and making it so busy might take away from that.

For school names, you could always take the name of a tree or go to a random names generator. Lots of time school names feels like it's just a thing with an adjective tacked onto it like Red Springs High or New Oak Predatory

3

Week

Stage

I like the shading and composition of this world — even if I didn't see the title, I would've seen this as a stage of sorts. Something I find confusing or unclear is what the main character wants to do on the stage. I read in the description that the main is performing, but I don't know what he's trying to perform. Is it comedy? Music? Singing? Showing the main character's choice of performance and how much effort they put into it could flesh a lot of their world. Again though, the chairs are well placed and the perspective is interesting. The well-crafted scenery just makes me want to know a little more about the situation itself.

3

Week

my characters in there world

I like the look of the characters and they have a nice surrounding to them. It conveys the fun aura very well and it makes me want to see these characters in action. That said, something that could be dug into more is the relationship between the characters. It's not unclear really, (it's done very well that they're in a casual environment), but the pretty illustration makes me want to know more — if these characters are good friends, new acquaintance, or friendly rivals, especially since they're the focal point of the scene. Maybe showing a scene of them interacting could clear up how they view each other in the "world" your story is in.

3

Week

Iris and The Literal Upside Down

https://www.storyxperiential.com/media/f898c8a2-d42f-49c6-8107-136070dbe238
This is my post if you have time to look at it. I appreciate the time and effort you put into this, it's a cool idea :)

3

Week

Iris and The Literal Upside Down

Also, it's cool that you an understand the story hook just by looking at the picture — makes it easily digestible and gets you thinking from the get go.

3

Week

Iris and The Literal Upside Down

What I like about this concept is that there's a lot of room for interesting challenges and obstacles. How would movement work? What could be changed to fit an upside-down lifestyle? Would people need to be more cautious? The drawing also has a cute, storybook feel to it. Something a little unclear through the picture is what Iris is finding challenging to deal with while upside down (especially cause she's smiling). My suggestion to address this is to show a scene where the audience would instantly think "oh that'd be rough" like how an upside-down person would deal with being outside or deal with their furniture being unaccessible)

In regards to what should and shouldn't be upside down, you could make it that any inanimate object is upside-down while living objects are right-side up. Or maybe there's a two races of people with some living upside-down. I think if everything was upside-down, it'd be a bit too similar to daily life. So, I think objects should be right-side up, animals are whatever you want, and people can either all be upside-down or only some are. But it's your vision and either way this idea has a lot of potential.

2

Week

Dionne the Silverfish: Character Profile

I like Dionne the glasses-wearing silverfish and look forward to seeing what sort of mission the Silverfish King might want from her. The drawings are very lovable and I like how it's clipped together (the glasses bit being my favorite). I wonder how Dionne's need to hide her love of reading will gel with the lesson that Dionne has to be more open to trusting others. That could be a very interesting conflict, and I look forward to seeing how this develops in the future.

2

Week

Character Profile

Your character has an interesting and eye-catching face — I like the smirk and sunglasses which distinguishes him from other rich characters. Something that I'm looking forward to digging into is how his situation will challenge his view of the world. As this is a very fleshed out character, once that gets addressed, I think he will leave a pretty lasting impression.

2

Week

Week 2

The drawing is very well done and I like the hair on the characters. The wings and poses are also dynamic, showing a bit of the character's personality. Something a little confusing is that I'm not sure what makes Cassandra different from other people. By digging into that, the character could possibly get a more sympathetic or unique design

2

Week

week 2 submission

This is a cute character (I like the puppy-sleeve dress) and the fact that the endgame isn't "move to the big city" or "make a lot of friends" is very unique to me. It's a little unclear to me how she would progress to learn with being okay with being by herself. Maybe to make her character stronger, you could flesh out exactly how her desire for friends in the city might be misguided. Something like she has friends now but doesn't appreciate them, she just wants friends to ignore her own needs, or something like that. Flora's a cute character that I want to see do well, and this seems like a fun start to me.

2

Week

Taima

I really liked the character idea and he seems like a lovable underdog. There's a lot of details here that other characters lack like info on the world, his friends, their goals, his physical details, and his motivations. It's the most detailed character video I've seen so far, and it makes Taima very compelling. There's nothing big I'm really unclear on either except maybe how Taima is personality-wise (though that's mentioned a bit near the end). To make the character stronger, it could be good to work both the external obstacles (the teasing thunderbirds) with other internal obstacles. Like, define how their comments hold him back and how in spite of that, he learns to move forward.

2

Week

Character concept

The character design is both well crafted and well thought out since it contributes a lot to her character. I find it a little unclear what it means when she has a forbidden power, but that she needs to fight with more mundane gunpowder weapons and wasn't chosen for glory. Those two things contrast a bit for me and is a little confusing. To make the character stronger, it would be nice to know whether she's more the underdog hero or the hidden chosen one type since I'm getting vibes from both. However, I like the world, character designs, and antagonists so this is looking super cool from the get go.

2

Week

Sed the Seed

Sed is a cute character and I already want to see them succeed as an adventurer. It is a little unclear their motivations and why they are the way they are — though that can be solved once the world is a bit more developed. Seeing the world that made Sed wimpy/want to be brave could make them a lot stronger and more sympathetic.

2

Week

Tristen

I liked the dancing picture box :>

On a more serious note, I enjoyed the editing of the video and the main character has a really interesting character flaw. The world the character is living in is also well defined and suits their traits. It does make me wonder why the main is the only one who knows about the ice situation. Maybe if there was an outside party that knows about the situation and is getting in the main character's way, there could be a bigger conflict and it would make sense that they're trying to cover up the crust bit for profit. That could be a strong way to show the main character why vying for money is a bad idea. However, what you have is already compelling and I think this could be real interesting either way.

2

Week

Brandon Bushwick

What I like the most about this character is the ideas and openness about how this character is going to go about adjusting. The character design also correlates well with the story idea presented. I find it a little confusing how the sunlight would change his life and would like to dig a little more into that. His character design is a great start to imply why he would have trouble with the light physically, but I also wonder how the light would be impactful internally/emotionally.

2

Week

Rainer Conroy

I like the looks of the character and their name. The superiority complex also intrigues me as things like that can make for a strong, likable personality. I feel like the world he wants to escape from is a bit vague. How his personality fits into this world might be what really makes or breaks the character since it could either come off as sympathetic or obnoxious. However, I'm already enjoying his design, concept, and the stuff we already know so I'm sure it'll work out.

1

Week

What if...

Like the art style a lot, specially the guy at the beginning. My favorite idea would probably be the last because depending on the setting of the story, the idea could make for some really interesting drama. Seeing how the boy tries to stay in the world and how that contrasts with what's taking him out of it could be quite soulful and moving. The only two things I'd say were unclear was the dad at the beginning doesn't have a lot to characterize them (normally when I think of dad, I think of family and this guy is kind of standing around on his own — matches the memories thing though) and the end pitch got cut off a bit. However, I thought the animation looked amazing and I could figure out what the idea was from the description.

1

Week

What if..

Firefly mailman is adorable and I love them. But I would say my favorite what if idea is the second one because there's the most amount of room to explore (in my opinion). The ghost idea can have a lot of subverted expectations and Firefly mailman would make for some really cool visuals, but on an idea level, the singing people has the best balance between freedom to explore and a "wow" concept to me. It makes me wonder how these people are characterized and how they could communicate with the outside world. There's nothing explicitly unclear that isn't just because these are short idea videos.

1

Week

What If...

I like the drawing of the doctor a lot, but my favorite idea was the last one. Depending on the play, there could be a lot of dangers and trials that need to be overcome. It makes me wonder what the most outlandish way this story could go— whether it's having a crazed protagonist, wacky play, or passionate side characters. If the people trapped are specifically non-actors (or maybe even have them all be amazing actors), then that could add a lot of depth to the experience.

1

Week

"What If" Ideas

My favorite what if idea was the communication with the moon/sun idea because it could lead to a lot of interesting interactions. It makes me wonder what kind of people the sun/moon would be and how that would influence how their people grow. Cultural ideas and their clashes are extremely deep and your set up leaves a lot of room to explore that.

1

Week

what if (tm)

The first two ideas were big favorites of mine (even out of the other videos I've seen), the Grim Reaper one being a close number one. It makes me wonder what kind of job am I doing, is he a nice boss, and how death works if the Grim Reaper is busy running a business. I guess my main wondering would be if it was one of those "death is a hilarious corporate slog" type stories or "you got a cool gig working under the Grim Reaper!" deals instead.

PS: your voice sounds nice. not too high, not too low, intonations feel natural.

arrow&v
Filter comments by week

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

Alexa's Comments

Please wait while we load your amazing content

Our goal for Story Xperiential is to foster an educational platform that actively remains a safe space for all users to bring their authentic voices and engage in learning free of judgment and ridicule, and where all cultural and gender backgrounds, learning differences and ability levels are welcomed and celebrated for their uniqueness and potential to inspire all of us. We do not condone story content that promotes violence or hate.

Privacy Policy

Questions? Contact us at 
help@storyxperiential.com