Not you? Click here

arrow&v

Explanation (Optional)

2

Week

Leo

I like Leo’s confidence! The adventures he can get into seem endless.

I wonder if the obstacle is clear enough. Maybe there is a challenge that Leo can’t overcome as he is now? Maybe he has a character flaw that doesn’t let him work well with others, but to overcome this challenge he needs to learn to be more humble?

Look forward to this developing! Beautiful illustration too!

2

Week

Lila

I like Lila’s wholesome goal, and she’s relatable despite her struggles.

I wonder more about the world she’s in. Is it like our world?

It’s not clear how she’ll meet everyone, is there a specific way she’ll do that?

2

Week

Character Profile: Mona

I love the idea of the career birthmark, it’s a compelling take on nature vs nurture!

I wonder what the educational structure is like. Do people automatically get assigned to certain schools based off their birthmark?

It wasn’t clear what happens to people without birthmarks. Are they shunned by society? Maybe you can up the stakes by hashing out what happens with no birth marked people!

2

Week

Thunder's Song

I liked the idea of birds having a culture that includes prophecies.

I wonder how exactly does the thunderbird save the society?

Who exactly directs Hayley to look for the thunderbird?

2

Week

Samson, the magical sword afraid to fight

I love the idea of a talking face on a sword! Such a great character concept.

I wonder what happened to the other 4 magical swords, and what their personalities are like.

It’s not clear how the sword influences fights. Do they refuse to move or block?

2

Week

Character Profile

I like the idea of classicism among rocks in the Grand Canyon!

I wonder if there’s different types of rocks, and how they move around?

What sort of society is the Grand Canyon rock world like?

1

Week

WHAT IF... by Francisco Gonzalez

I liked the cat falling in love with the mouse. It makes me think of Romeo and Juliet, and the potential conflict between the mice and cats is ripe from the get go.

This idea makes me wonder if the mouse returns the love to the cat. It also makes me wonder how the cat can show the love.

It wasn‘t clear if the cat and mouse are wild or domesticated, or living like humans such as in Bojack Horseman. It would be helpful to know how / why the cat fell in love with the mouse too.

1

Week

what if...

I really liked the idea of bird watching you. I think it‘s a great reversal of human bird watchers, „human watchers“. It sparks more what ifs, such as who is leading these spy birds, and what do they want?

It wasn’t clear if these birds are intelligent, can talk, etc. And in this world, are humans living in the wild, or in the modern world?

1

Week

"What If" Teaser

My fav idea was what if you could transfer your feelings to objects! It sparked a lot of cool possibilities, such as if you‘re in a fight you could infuse a rock with your anger and the rock defends you on its own. It‘s a really whimsical idea that can go many places.

I wonder if the transfer is through science or magic, and if there are other magical abilities in this world.

Something that isn‘t clear is how the transfer works. Do you need to touch the objects? Maybe it needs to be close by? If you leave the object does it keep your feelings? Hashing out the rules of this world would help!

1

Week

What if...

My favorite what if was the sunlight one. It sparked a lot of cool images in my mind, and also raised more what ifs, such as a black market for the limited sunlight.

I wonder why the sun needs to be captured? I also wonder how can people capture sunglight?

It’s unclear what it looks like for sunlight to be captured. I liked the drawing of the bottling. Maybe in this world sunlight is sentient and can run away? Maybe it needs to be domesticated?

1

Week

Hmmm...

My favorite What if is the gravity one. I really liked how I could immediately visualize the effect it can have, both humorous and dangerous. It made me imagine how I would „swim“ through the air.

I wonder what causes the gravity to stop working, and if this is the first time or a regular occurrence in the world.

It wasn‘t clear if gravity no working is a dangerous life threatening thing, or more funny. Figuring out the tone of this what if could be helpful.

1

Week

What If...

I liked the Submarine city the best, because it immediately sparked images in my head of what the underwater world could be like. It‘s a world that I would want to inhabit.

It also sparked other what if questions, like how does the city function, and why do people live in this city?

Something that is unclear is do the submarines connect with each other like buildings? Or are they disconnected from each other? How do the people in the submarines eat, and interact with sea life?

Look forward to the development!

arrow&v
Filter comments by week

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

Yongmin's Comments

Please wait while we load your amazing content

Our goal for Story Xperiential is to foster an educational platform that actively remains a safe space for all users to bring their authentic voices and engage in learning free of judgment and ridicule, and where all cultural and gender backgrounds, learning differences and ability levels are welcomed and celebrated for their uniqueness and potential to inspire all of us. We do not condone story content that promotes violence or hate.

Privacy Policy

Questions? Contact us at 
help@storyxperiential.com