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8

Week

High Up

Just wanted to say a huge bravo from the Story Xperiential Team. You should be immensely proud of this project.

8

Week

Final reel

Congrats on a fantastic story and making it to the finish line. Really nice boards, super easy to follow. I agree about the cliffhanger :)

8

Week

This is my final!

Congratulations on an incredible story, very relatable and timely. Great use of music, expression and film grammar. You should be very proud of this.

8

Week

God's adventure to self-discovery

Wow what an incredible story full of depth & emotion. It was clear and heartwarming. Thank you so much for sharing it.

6

Week

Friend Shaped Act II

Amazing work! Love the energy and life in the design of W, I do agree you should try to strip out some narration when you are working on your next version. Let your amazing art do more of the 'talking' - but otherwise the structure of your story is really keeping me engaged. Can't wait to see this with all three acts together

6

Week

Love and Death Act 1 and Act 2

Yes it's such a strong story that I would focus on getting it finished, and then worry about stuff like this. Keep it up!

6

Week

Good Spirits

I agree with this note. this story is incredible

6

Week

Love and Death Act 1 and Act 2

Hey a clip from this was featured at the start of the livestream. Really Incredible work. I'm especially enjoying your use of character dialog, I suggest you try to do more and more of this in your next version. But I do enjoy the narration for basic story framing. I think you can trim a few more narration bits out as you are sometimes both "telling and showing", for example @ 2:45 when the flame continues to burn I felt I didn't need the narration as the visuals were so strong there - it somehow took away from the drama of that moment (I would like just a music queue there). I would maybe try pulling all of it out, and then insert narration only where you absolutely need it. It might also help with pacing, which I feel you could speed up by around 15% (especially when you add your act three). can't WAIT for the end of this story

6

Week

Upside Down to Right Side Up Storyreel - Acts 1 & 2

Love the inciting incident in this story, so original! The main confusion I have is why is the Tarot reader is mad at her for chasing the stone, because she didn't give her any other options. I was assuming that perhaps to "solve'" her problem she would have to get over her grief/sadness (basically mourn the death) in order to be turned right-side-up. And if that is the case perhaps the Tarot reader would tell her this along with the stone idea. I'm not sure the ending yet, but if she finds resolution in the death it would be a poignant ending because she would return to her normal self. So the stone is really just a distraction which gets her to realize this. But this is just my first reaction so feel free to ignore my note!

5

Week

Lottie - Act 1

Fantastic work. I feel so bad for Lottie!!! The classroom scene is very powerful, I think when you flesh out your story you could use dialog (instead of narration for that scene). I'm rooting for her to find someone in the 2nd part of your story. I can't WAIT to see the next part of your story. your storyboard is great, do you know how to turn it into a storyreel for next week? let me know

5

Week

Dionne's Mission (Act I of Dionne and the Tour d'Argent)

Hey Mel Dionne is adorable (especially the little backpack). I love the opening premise. My main wonder/question is how else you will use her love of reading to 'solve' the crisis in the end. I see in the storyreel how it was done, which I like...but I wonder if also Dionne learns something in the book that she can put to use in an actionable way in addition to 'sharing her knowledge'. For example what if there is an earlier step where she uses something she knows to at least get them to listen to her in the first place? Or even something silly like a way to survive the coming onslaught during that fight scene...basically I crave more "book power" :) ps. A tip on adobe tool, add an extra frame at the end to avoid that cut off effect.

5

Week

Globe City - Act 1

great feedback. I like the idea of the opponent being a past friend...I also wonder about the 'state of the city' (what's the biggest problem?)

5

Week

Globe City - Act 1

Look this hook, fantastic. I really like the opening so far. One idea for future iterations is I could imagine you could open with a little montage showing him interacting with people (instead of relying on narration to tell us he's strict/uptight), and maybe a comedic moment showing his aloofness. I love the final poster design, perfect inciting incident. I'm thinking out loud here, but perhaps you also want to show a kind of complacency in the opening scenes to contrast this feeling of suddenly being held accountable/put to task by his competitor. I'm sorry to hear you had to cut it short due to file size. If you have problems with file size try to export your video at a much lower resolution (email help@storyxperiential.com if you need more help as they will get back to you asap)

4

Week

Once Upon A Time...

Great work. love this concept. I really responded the moment when he was beating on the screen to get their attention...I felt for him in that moment. I think you can amplify the emotions in this story by letting me see him in Act 1 ignoring his friends/family in order to watch TV. I'm craving one sad moment to grab onto. I think if we see him making a "bad choice" in Act 1 his realization at the end will be more powerful. can't wait to see this one developed more! keep it up

4

Week

Por las barbas de mi gato My Cat´s whiskers

What a beautiful, original story. you should be proud of this. I love how he lost his fears by living in the cat's body, that was my favorite moment. One thing I'm wondering is why Matias soul didn't go into daniel's body? Because if they did switch, maybe the cat could have spoken through Daniel's body and helped him understand/learn why he didn't need to fear the cat. Otherwise i'm wondering how he learns not to fear the cat. that's the one thing I'd like to know more about (how Daniel learns why he doesn't need to fear the cat). I can't wait to see more!

4

Week

Charlie/Intrusive Thoughts - Story Spine

Great work, very powerful story. I felt for charlie. The only weak point for me was when charlie decided to take a stand against the intrusive thoughts, I wanted to know why or how they had that realization. I think if you can find that moment it will make your story sing. look forward to more

4

Week

Story Spine!

Really cool character designs! I like the setup and conflict you build towards -strong theme as well. I still wonder why Mike got jealous so quickly. I also wonder what the child tells them at the end to help resolve the conflict (what was his reason they shouldn't be arguing?). I wonder if instead of the child telling them why they should get along, they realize it themselves somehow. I'm just thinking out loud now, but what if something happened to Mikey (such as getting hurt) and perhaps the child had a way of healing him...I don't love that idea but my point is it would be nice to have some kind of action or event which allows them to have this final realization? let me know if this makes sense!

4

Week

Story Spine

Great work, oak is so cute. What I found unclear was why wasn't he allowed to be friends with the mushroom man? and what was it that made them change their minds about him? I'd love to know more about why they decided to accept him, I think that will make your story more powerful. look forward to more

4

Week

final story spine

Beautiful work. Love the art style and the setup! I especially responded to the character designs once they were half animal. I wasn't clear why Conor blamed milo about the accident so I was slightly confused why he ran away. in a similar way I wanted to know more about how they resolved this in the end, you mentioned he convinced him it was an accident, i'd love more detail about that. Thinking about your theme (which I like) is it the case that Milo did make a mistake and owned up to it at the end? look forward to more!

4

Week

Week 4

This is a funny little sketch, but I wonder how this connects to your story? Are you going to develop the story about Jarukashi next? look forward to more

4

Week

Story Board

Interesting, would love to know how their friendship started? what did the characters learn about each other in that moment? I think that could really help draw me into the story more. Keep up the great work

4

Week

Week 4 Submission

Well done, I think the craving for friends is a very relatable goal. My questions is why didn't they want to be friends with him? Did he have a flaw? It would be nice to find out what changed in the main character to make him more appealing as a friend at the end. that could really pull your story together. keep it up!

4

Week

Upside Down to Right Side Up

interesting, so now I'm wondering what is the realization she has that let's her know being upside down can have advantages, was it related to the rocket repair? OR, did the creature help her see her life in a different way? I also wonder how when she learned to build a rocket what she learned in that process...

4

Week

Story Spine

Hey your work was featured in the Week 5 livestream! Did you see it?

3

Week

Snakey the Muddy Snake

You can do it, also submit even a partial story to the exhibition to earn your certificate

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