Not you? Click here

arrow&v

Explanation (Optional)

8

Week

Orion the Brave

Sobre todo la parte donde Orion está dudando o no tiene valor antes de verdaderamente enfrentarse a la amenaza. Pasan muchas cosas pero no es muy claro que pasa. Creo que es el acto 2 en general que hay que ver paso a paso para ver que cada pedazo cuenta lo que quieres. Con mucho gusto lo podemos ver juntos si quieres después de que termine el curso. Me puedes contactar.

8

Week

Wolf and Dragon

I love your reel! It is compelling, clear and with a lot of emotion. Congratulations!

8

Week

Lenny and the Song of the Forest

Mark! your words are very encouraging and spot on on your analysis. Thanks so much!

8

Week

Mixiote and Lili

Hey, I think there are loads of ideas here! I like the direction that it can take and it gets really interesting once Lili can understand the animals. Before that it is a bit confusing what the story is really about. You may want to get there a little bit quicker. One suggestion could be to start right in the school where Lili doesn't feel accepted and then go home and setup Mom and Mixiote. Try different options to see what works well. Are the cats going to take over the world? I would love to see!

8

Week

Lenny and the Song of the Forest

Thanks so much for your message Varian. I care a lot about this topic and the challenge is to make entertainment that is also inspiring. Your words really encourage me. Thanks!

8

Week

Skyfellers: Tales from Chusetts' Ranch

I absolutely love how your story has been evolving! The dialogues are funny and it makes much more sense now. This is something I would definitely like to see in the big screen. Thanks! ;-)

8

Week

Grandpa & The Machine

The story is very touching! And I love mostly the symbols of the tree and the mirror. It is unclear to me what prevented him for seeing the solution if it was right in front of his eyes. What he has to overcome internally so that he can see what is so simple. As a suggestion, you can make more clear how he is dealing with keeping his life together at the same time as he is trying to build the machine. And maybe how in the end he let's go of trying so hard so now the simple solution is right in front of his eyes. This can be a very inspiring story! Keep it up!

8

Week

Orion the Brave

Epic! I love the mythological aspect of it, and the story of developing courage. Many of the points are not very clear. But he overall arc of the story is clear and compelling. Thanks for this one!

8

Week

Searching for Sunlight

Hey! This is fun. I love the premise of an escape story of aliens. I would love to learn more about the different aliens and why Rosswell has an army. I would also like to know more about the female character and what is her motivation to engage with Fuga. Good rhythm!

8

Week

Grandfather Story Reel

Hey there! This is a very touching story. I believe you can trim it a little bit for the sake of clarity and rhythm. However I love the drawings, specially the character of the grandpa! He is super expressive. I can see a whole long feature potential here. Keep up the good work!

8

Week

The Dream Seller

Hey Eye Candy team! I love the message in your story and the metaphor of selling dreams to people. It is a little confusing that Ender is the one solving the problem for Laureen, even if she has to overcome something in order to share her trauma. Also that you left the trauma part open. It would be much more powerful to share a bit more of what happened to Laureen when she was a child, and maybe have Ender be a guide for her in the dream world so that she can overcome her nightmares. I love the world that you created and the evolution of the characters. It deserves more love and work! The result can be very inspiring!

8

Week

Lenny and the Song of the Forest

Excellent suggestions John-Charles! I think if I get to develop this story in a longer format I will definitely take those ideas in consideration!

8

Week

Samson, the magical sword.

Wow! How an amazing work. Your story evolved so much from last time I saw it. It looks like you integrated the feedback in a really good way and you really took care of the setup. Also with the voices and the effects if comes to live and the Sword is now a believable character. Good work!

8

Week

Creative Journey (WIP) (Sarah Estes)

I love the energy and expression of your drawings. I would love to see how this story develops!

7

Week

Intersecting Dreams

Hello. This is a very touching story. However it was confusing at several points. I watched it without reading the text first. I think in order to gain clarity your two main characters need to be more easy to identify, and put faces in all the drawings. The very beginning can be trimmed a little. What we really care about is the story of the daughter with volleyball, right? So the setup of the mom and her dreams could be told in a different way, maybe as a flashback. Another point that could improve clarity... does she have two volleyball accidents? I think there is one, then she moves on to skating, and then she comes back to volleyball? It is not clear to me what the story gets from this move. It would be great to have a clear moment of decision making for the daughter when she demonstrates resilience and that she can move on with other priorities in her life. This would make the story more round to me. Keep it going! you have an important message to deliver!

7

Week

Lenny and the Song of the Forest

Thanks! Clarity is very important! How could I make it feel more "magical"?

7

Week

Lenny and the Song of the Forest

Muchas gracias Maria Teresa. No ha sido fácil trabajar en esta historia! I've been wondering how to make it feel more "magical"... any ideas?

7

Week

Lenny and the Song of the Forest

Thanks! This is very meaningful... I've been wondering how to make it feel more "magical"... any ideas?

7

Week

Lenny and the Song of the Forest

Thanks a los Aranza!

7

Week

Act 1, 2, 3 Storyreel

Hey there! The story is getting very touching and fun. Toro is growing as a character, you have integrated previous feedback in a great way. Something that could be even better is towards the end. If Toro gets what he wanted, meaning, to be at the top at the canyon again. But realizes now how lonely he is without Hermit. And facing again the other rocks he realizes he doesn't care that much any more about being superior. And then he comes back to Hermit. That could give a nice pace for Toro to have his insights and us with him. Nice touch with the music!

7

Week

Samson the magical Sword - Storyreel

Wow! This is really epic! The story is starting to get round. Something that could be more clear is in the setup of the sword. How come it is a sword with special glowing fertile powers? Something about the magicien in the beginning can bring more clarity to that and to the fact that the sword also ignored her powers until meeting Felicia. Another thing is the field being not fertile "because of the war". Perhaps it is just a language thing. Maybe because of the wars the field has not been taken care of. You could also setup Felicias brothers coming back from war and not knowing how to work the fields... Thanks for creating this story! I look forward for more of it!

7

Week

Smoke Me - A Cigarette in Love

Hey there! really like how you played act three without narration. It became very touching. And the cigarette is becoming a very endearing character. One thing that could be more clear is about him becoming the last cigarette after she smoked the whole pack. What makes her change her mind? What is the trigger for her? If it is the sacrifice of the cigarette perhaps you can show it more on her face? Or in any way that we understand that she makes the decision. Keep it up!

6

Week

Skyfellers - Act I & II

Very interesting! I like how your story is evolving! You can definitely try having less narration. However the drawings just in silence were not very clear to me. The need of the brothers and the world with dragons need a bit more setup. What about trying to use dialogue instead of narration for the next try? Just an idea. But I get the ranch, the brothers and the fact they capture a dragon. That part seems a bit too easy for them. As if dragons were not really a big deal in this world. If it is a challenge to have a dragon it would be great to see them struggle a little more to capture it. Another bit that is confusing is why one of the brothers decides to free the dragon. Do they become friends? If that is the case it would be great to see it. How is this going to end???

6

Week

Storm Hero - Acts 1 and 2

Wow! there is so much going on here! / I really like the idea of a hero that is really trying to live a normal life. It would be great for us to learn earlier why he is not using his powers and he has been rejecting the other heros. For a moment it seems like the story is about Rafael escaping from the stalker criminal, but it is actually about him accepting his powers to confront the villan that he created. A possible idea is that the criminal gets the powers since the very first moment they meet. That could help you go more directly to the actual conflict of Rafael. Also, the other heros not helping Rafael is a bit confusing, even if he hasn't been part of the community... they are still hero's right? It would be nice to understand better the motivations of the other hero's not to help Rafael. And also to understand better how does he get to that place where his powers are appreciated. That felt a bit sudden... however it is a really good idea. Overall I think you have material here for a whole feature movie! I am very curious about the final confrontation of Rafael with the criminal... and it would also be great that he gets a name. keep it up!

6

Week

Leo & the Alien

Hey! this is a very fun premise! I like the way you start with Leo dreaming about space. In this story what is a bit confusing is the sudden appearance of a fantastic reality. In your first act, Leo thinks he knows about space right? he even makes a presentation about it and he finds planets and nebulas with the telescope. So there is scientific reality. But suddenly, there is an alien changing light bulbs in the stars! Which is great! However Leo doesn't seem to mind about it and this new reality is very different to what he thought he knew. / then it becomes a story about a friendship between Leo and the Alien. that is also very cool. It could be amazing that Leo learns from the Alien and the Alien learns something from Leo too. Or that Leo can make a more fun presentation at school in the end ;-) / would love to see how this develops!

arrow&v
Filter comments by week

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

Antonio 's Comments

Please wait while we load your amazing content

Our goal for Story Xperiential is to foster an educational platform that actively remains a safe space for all users to bring their authentic voices and engage in learning free of judgment and ridicule, and where all cultural and gender backgrounds, learning differences and ability levels are welcomed and celebrated for their uniqueness and potential to inspire all of us. We do not condone story content that promotes violence or hate.

Privacy Policy

Questions? Contact us at 
help@storyxperiential.com