Not you? Click here

arrow&v

Explanation (Optional)

5

Week

Hello

Interesting concept to give life to technology in this regard. I really like the illustrations as they set the stage for the character's and their world in a clear and effective way. One thing I was confused about is you mention the phone losing connection twice - the first time at 1:23 it is said to still able to get notifications and second time it is completely cut off. That was a little jarring to me and kind of took me out of this clever story. Also - I am unclear on how - if they have unlimited access to the internet, how they wouldn't know what a storm looks like? Maybe you can play with the relationship dynamics a little more to heighten that sense of disconnection. For example maybe the old computer tries to access social media to relate to the phone? Just a thought. I will be curious to know if these devices are artificial intelligent devices as well. Nice work!

5

Week

Rugula's Passion Act 1

Wow - love this whole concept and your designs/boards are superb at getting the message of the character's world across. I feel there is so much detail in the story that the level of detail in the boards helps me understand the character's world better. I love this cool character so much I almost wanna be friends with Rugula! I don't really think anything is confusing or unclear, though it does feel like a lot is happening. I guess the only suggestion might be having some sort of explanation in beginning that the human world and monster world are separate so it is clear when the young girl is there that this is a "unique situation" Nice work! Can't wait to see more.

5

Week

Eternal Jade ACT 1

First I love the whole aesthetic you have put together here - from the music to the title card and all the boards. They really serve the story in a unique and engaging way. The sense of dangerous adventure had me leaning in as well. I love the character Jade, but am a little confused why the research team is not as passionate about their work as Jade is. Also - I found it slightly jarring hearing them referred to as the research team multiple times and wonder if maybe having an organization or team name would help with that. Lastly, I was confused about whether Jade finding the glowing plant was good or bad or neutral and was hoping for more detail about how to feel as an audience member. I was sort of ambivalent about hat guy following Jade and then going back to the team to report about Jade. Really though, awesome Act 1 and I can't wait to see where it all leads. Such a cool idea to have a glowing plant I would love to see that animated with color!

5

Week

Bad Timing - Act 1

Woahhhh! What an engaging idea and hook at the end of Act 1. You have my full attention and I am intrigued about what will happen next. Leslie seems super relatable especially some of the daydreaming. I found one thing confusing which was during the daydreaming sequence I didn't realize she was playing the drums I thought she was still at her office job. That took me out of it a little bit but overall I think these are really strong beats and the attention to detail is superb. Specifically the regrets she has and I love the simple but effective tool of showing how poorly the date went by all the effects - no need to go on the date and drag it out. Also - the tv commercial set up seems so matter of fact that I wasn't prepared for the hook of a solution to wipe away your regrets. Cannot wait to see where this one goes. Great work. Also nice boards they do the trick of getting across the necessary info and not sure if this was a style choice but the yellow seems a good color choice for articulating Leslie's unfulfilling life.

5

Week

Act I: Lonely Leo Discovers We Are Not Alone

This is such a fun idea and makes me wonder more about the world of the story and possibly our "real" world even its even real... I also like how your drawings really illustrate how Leo is down and isolated in the school but full of awe and wonder on the hill and in dreams. Its an interesting juxtaposition that feels relatable. I think this idea has so much potential and this is more of the set-up, but I found myself wanting to know some more specifics like why is Leo having trouble fitting in specifically and what is it the lights Leo up so much with regards to stargazing. I love stargazing myself because of that feeling of awe when contemplating the universe and possibilities of space. Maybe Leo gets made fun of for love of space and stargazing. Those are my only suggestions on what was slightly confusing and what could make it stronger. Great work.

5

Week

Potion Bus - Act 1

Love the universal themes going on here about wanting to fit in and find one's place. I feel that is something so many people can probably relate to and makes me intrigued and lean in about how this character is (hopefully) going to deal with it and find meaningful solutions. Overall, I like Cat and vibe with the story's magical elements. I was confused a little about some of the other characters intros like Jamie and Gerald and wanted more elaboration. Also I found myself intrigued by the tension you created about the central conflict being social anxiety, which I feel is really strong subject to explore, yet when Cat is at the club fair I wanted some more specifics on what happened - Did Cat break out into dance to try and show off for the dance club and look goofy or was it something else? I think adding some more specificity to some of the beats would help but I was still able to follow along. My interest is definitely sparked for this one! Oh and as far as additional suggestions - I think someone mentioned in a livestream that when creating conflict and antagonists that it can be difficult to have internal conflict be the main source of conflict. I want to say pointing to a movie like Inside Out where Joy is sort of the protagonist and antagonist who is both the cause and sort-of solution to conflict, I see some parallels with Cat. Maybe there could be more of that self-caused conflict explored as a result of this unfortunate dilemma of social anxiety further enhancing the occurrence at the club fair. Nice work!

4

Week

Old Dog New Tricks Story Spine

Wow. Touching story spine and such a unique spin on this. I love immediately the visual concept of a dog practicing magic that had me smiling from the beginning and really had me have a lean in moment to engage with this character a lot more. It sort of reminded me of Soul where Joe becomes a cat and must learn how to get back into his body. This one feels different in the fact that while in the teddy bear Oscar is able to comfort Yogi and be there. Some of the visuals were just heartbreak and heartwarming at the same time like the grandpa dancing with Oscar at the end. That is really strong and needs to be kept in because of how emotional it is. I know its hard in the simple story spine but maybe some more backstory on why Oscar needed to switch back before midnight? That seemed like a brief mention of it but I am intrigued to learn more and feel that time constraint may add more tension to the story. Overall love the innocence of that dog just wanted to be with the grandpa and love the unique twist on the story spine because instead of everyday you used ever year on new years ever which is really specific and sort of allows us as an audience to see why this is so special to oscar. That reminds me of what Hannah mentioned about killing two birds with one stone and seems like a great way to describe through showing us this character's relationship and wants.

4

Week

Mr. Akstta

I love the unique presentation of the story and feel that it is interesting to analyze social media in this world of the story. However I found it unclear at times and didn't really understand the beats of the story. I think this may be a specific story for a specific audience so I could definitely be wrong, but for people not familiar with social media and in particular tik tok this may not make sense entirely of what a tik tok curriculum looks like exactly. I was hoping for more specifics and yet still empathized with the teacher being burnt out and confused by the curriculum. Things seemed to happened randomly at times as well like the students hear the teacher and need to help? One suggestions would be to explain more of the beats of the story through causal relationships which I feel the story spine works great at. Anyways, really unique idea and feels prevalent and contemporary. Gives me a Ralph Breaks the Interent vibe but specifically for tik tok.

4

Week

The Indigo Kid

I really love the world you built with this story and find it a fresh take on a familiar concept. Overall I find the character relatable and love the relationship with Ziggy who becomes a sort of savior towards the end. I did find it confusing at times however. This story feels very intricate and shifts a lot so I had trouble following at times and needed to go back to the reel a bunch of times to understand what was going on and why/how. I agree with some of the other comments that I didn't quite understand how the main character can be a martian with a father from earth but maybe it doesn't need to be so literal. Maybe it is more the fact that the main character has been working on mars for so long and earth people are super interested, which might better explain how they become a celebrity, which I didn't really buy into emotionally. Overall though, really interesting story with lots packed in that seems like it would make an interesting sci-fi action story.

4

Week

My story board

I really like the feel-good nature of this story, and especially love the moral at the end which feels universal. There are some really clear beats in here, but at the same time there doesn't seem to be much tension. By that I mean, we don't see Jamie struggling as much, which could be fine, but I wonder if we'd be rooting for her even more. The only struggle is that she is afraid and anxious which is great, but I wanna see how and why that manifests. Is it something to do with a situation that happened? Maybe she has insecurities about pursuing guitar in the first place because of family. Also another strong point is that Jamie is relatable in her innocent desire to rock out at a talent show, but I want to know more about why. That is hard to demonstrate in this story spine but something that is unclear and intrigues me to find out more about. Overall really relate to this story and cannot wait to see it develop.

4

Week

Love and Death Story Spine

Woah this is cool and has many different tones - its feel dark and moody but also uplifting at the same time, which is an interesting dynamic. I wanna start by saying your idea is super unique and I especially love the melting candles as a symbol for the passing of time and ultimate death of people in the world. To me that is such a unique concept and something I feel like I have never seen before yet feels so natural in the world of this story about death which has been done before, yet this is a different take on that story and one that is truly universal, as they say the two things inevitable in life are death and taxes lol. Anyways that is some things I love. As for some things that were confusing, not much. But I wonder if death could cause the sudden passing of Dr. Diaz by accident somehow and that was cause this strong choice to become a mortal in hopes of being with her one day. The reason for this is it seems so random that Dr. Diaz passes which could totally work but I just wonder if it would fit the story to have death have something to do with it and have that shown versus told using a causal relationship. Really dig your drawings too. Look forward to seeing how this develops.

4

Week

Alien Reality TV Show

The world that is described here is so unique! Alien reality tv!? I love that. Also the contrast in the siblings seems really strong, but I feel like there could be more moments where this is played up. One example could be Marlowe uses her imagination to win some of the events and unseat the reigning champs which causes Doug to realize the importance of not being so cynical and uses some of that imagination to throw the cola on the alien ship. One thing I found confusing was the dynamic of the reality show, how do they unseat the reigning champs but then have to face them again? That's one thing that stuck out as confusing. I also wasn't quite clear on some of the emotional aspects of the story spine. For example, I personally didn't feel super invested in emotions of the "because of that..." beats though I still think they're creative, especially the soda company which is hilarious. I wonder if Doug could maybe be sipping on them earlier while watching tv and loafing around. These drawings and character designs are soooooo strong and feel like such a fun dynamic. I love how they balance each other one being less cynical and one less naive. Looking forward to seeing it develop.

4

Week

Leo`s Story Spine

I really love the unique small town you have created and something that intrigues me to hear more about, is the exotic journey's Leo goes on. I'd be curious to know why Leo doesn't trust the heart and why they leave more specifically. Also something I would like made clearer is why Leo accepts the challenge of this stranger/other traveler. This story feels like it has some universal themes like family, but I didn't quite understand what family means to Leo until the end and I wonder if mentioning Leo's family towards the beginning would help this payoff even more at the end. Lastly, I want to mention that the treasure aspect reminds me of the story The Alchemist which is a great adventure story with universal themes. I really dig this one and look forward to what you do to develop it more.

3

Week

BILLIE

Pizza Planet Co wonderful idea! Love the expression on the character's face, it really makes me feel the terror. I am confused why there is a light coming from the left, is it totally necessary? I wonder if the scares would be elevated by just the single light intimidating this character. The use of blue and yellow/orangish is strong and gives sense of warmth and yet darkness really well. I am slightly jealous of this idea and your detailed drawing too!

3

Week

Bean's World

This is so cute and seems like Bean is really doing her thing and feels engrossed in her day which makes me feel engrossed, but then I see the cat. I wonder if there could be more space and depth between this to create two different stages/worlds within the frame because I feel they are too even right now and my eye doesn't know where to look first. Love the use of color and seems like a really fun idea and great potential for conflict.

3

Week

Alex's Work Environment

I love the drabness of the office and how little the character is in frame which demonstrates to me how little they mean in this space. Also the 1pt perspective and lines are closing in one the character emphasizing the trapped feeling. I wonder if there could be more details why its so horrible? Maybe something like even more trash scattered. Also the character's shell shocked expression is really revealing. Nice work!

3

Week

Grandpa

The framing of this shot really conveys that subjective "watching over" feeling and is very strong. Also the tonal choices really draw the eye in and show details even to the dust particles. I wonder if having one more meaningful object towards the right of the frame would convey this emptiness versus literal emptiness, something like a pile of boxes maybe of grandpa memorabilia stuff? Anyways love the lighting and framing a lot! Really strong work

3

Week

Leo finds a Heart

The use of light in this frame is so strong and overall framing is interesting. I am confused by Leo's expression and distance/tight framing, yet maybe that's supposed to be the intention of a longing for this heart and he can't reach it. This red color is so strong that I would be intrigued to see it as a recurring motif and maybe Leo could be a contrasting green. Really strong work and detail, its a vibe.

3

Week

Worked Like A Dog - Character World Sketch

I love the line work detail in this and I feel the dutch angle really heightens the emotional shock this character is feeling and seems relatable. I find it unclear that she is uncomfortable versus looking surprised. I see some beads of sweat but maybe there could be more tension in the eyes and eyebrows especially and just over-emphasized. Overall super strong work and what great use of tone and simplicity of framing whats important. I love that we don't need to see the unhappy customer or even know what type of store. Nice work!

2

Week

ECHO

I love the kindness and caring of the character Echo. I am intrigued to learn more about Hugo too because their relationship seems so relatable and primal. One suggestion is to keep it simple because some of the back story confused me and took me out of that loving character. Overall I really vibe with this character and can't wait to check back. So original and really something we can all relate too. Reminds me a bit of Peter Pan.

2

Week

Mush Character Sketch

I love the design and idea! I am confused a little by all the details involved but am super intrigued and it feels so realistic and yet fantastical. Nice work!

2

Week

Week 2 Upload (Sarah Estes)

I love this design and aesthetic and I feel its very relatable. I find it unclear why she wants to make art which I feel might help me understand and empathize with her more. Maybe she can have some strong reason like her older sister was a good artist but took a steady job and is now clearly miserable and "journey" wants to prove something. Your drawing and animation style are so good! I love the aesthetic

1

Week

Carlos and Madeleine's "What If" Ideas

These are all such fun ideas with so much possibility and potential that I cannot pick what I love most. The plants idea seems like it could be a fun story about nature and the life cycle of plants which sounds super cool and I feel like I have never seen that before. The holographic test child before becoming an actual parent kind of scares me (in a good way!) to see if people could even handle it. There seems to be a lot of comedic potential in this idea but also sort of dystopian. How did this technology come to be and why? The cat getting jealous of their owner's significant other also seems hilarious but kind of heartbreaking at the same time which could be a great contrast or juxtaposition of this cat character. Each is intriguing on its own and I'd love to see each idea developed further. Also your drawings are really cute and inviting.

1

Week

What if...?

There is so much specificity in these ideas and they are all unique in their different ways, which I love. Your art is wonderful too, such evocative image choices for the stories and they really get the world and character across meaningfully. The clouds idea seems to be the most inviting for me at least. Nothing is really unclear. I would be curious to see what the conflict in this imaginative world might become. Are the clouds benign or do they have an agenda? Nice work!

1

Week

What If assignment

These are super interesting ideas. Love the sun one the most because it seems so universal on many levels. And also it makes me intrigued to learn how thats even possible, which is something that can be cleared up later. Maybe through some special evolution they gained that ability to live there. Nice work!

arrow&v
Filter comments by week

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

Patrick's Comments

Please wait while we load your amazing content

Our goal for Story Xperiential is to foster an educational platform that actively remains a safe space for all users to bring their authentic voices and engage in learning free of judgment and ridicule, and where all cultural and gender backgrounds, learning differences and ability levels are welcomed and celebrated for their uniqueness and potential to inspire all of us. We do not condone story content that promotes violence or hate.

Privacy Policy

Questions? Contact us at 
help@storyxperiential.com